Über babe Megan Fox copped some major media flak recently because of an Esquire Magazine interview in which, amongst other bizarre statements, she proclaimed to be an End-Times believing Christian who speaks in tongues. (A sample quote from the interview, which can be read here: "We should all believe in leprechauns. I'm a believer…") This ride on quizzical quote airlines ain’t her first rodeo, though – no sirree. Crazy crap has been coming out of this broad’s yap for years. She gets away with saying stuff like this 'cause she's hot. If she looked like a bag lady, she'd be institutionalized.
Wilde at Heart
When asked about whether or not she possessed sapphic desires, Fox responded, "I could see myself in a relationship with a girl. Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing." OK, so maybe that quote’s not that weird. Women do love it when you express your attraction to them via animal sacrifice, after all...
Social butterfly? Hardly. According to Fox, "I have no friends and I never leave my house." Dang...who knew those Transformers movies were shot in her house? Her digs must be, like, cavernous!
In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Fox proclaimed, "I think that I'm so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting." Y’know...like Charlie Manson did!
Megan is mega-grody: "I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, ‘Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.’" Upon reading this, a generation of teenage boys lost their collective boners. And a generation of kinky, creepy, old men gained theirs.
Ef-Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
When Fox isn’t fixating over the unbearable hotness of Olivia Wilde, she’s getting her rocks off by thinking of dreamy teen Zac Efron: “Zac Efron is my obsession, we’re the same person. We’re not actually here, it’s like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it’s me, and you don’t know that. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of all time." She has something comparably creepy to say about Efron’s ouvre, too. She once told a reporter, "Ok, well let me tell you what (High School Musical) is really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron’s dad. It’s about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there’s music involved. You have to get stoned to watch it." You heard it here, folks! If only the 12-year-olds who liked High School Musical got high before they watched it, they’d be able to appreciate the subtext!
Bi Bi Bi
As is the case with many smokin’ hot babes nowadays, Fox swings both ways: "I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man." That’s all well and good, but Megan Fox is a mother. SPOILER ALERT: She had sex with a dude to become one.
Pattin’ on Rob
Animal sacrifice not extreme enough for you? Well, how does cannibalism sound? The voracious Fox once said, "I would eat Rob Pattinson, so that I could steal some of that pretty. I wanna be pretty like he’s pretty." The most ridiculous part of that statement by far is, of course, the implication that Fox eats anything.
In spite of her eccentricities, Fox always manages to smell as fresh as a daisy: “If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.” I don’t know about you, but I wish I weren’t lactose intolerant right about now!
Baby, I Wanna Make You Starscream
The (apparently) insatiable Fox claims, "Starscream is the sexiest Transformer. ‘Cause he just is. Why is Simba (from The Lion King) sexy? He just was. Maybe it was because Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the voice. I can’t tell you. It’s something I just feel." Wanna know how I feel having read that? Icky inside.
If you woke up in the middle of the night and Megan Fox was hovering over you breathing heavily, would you be terrified? Let me know in the comments!