There are lots of songs that are obviously filthy, like say Akon's 'I Wanna F*ck you'. No question there. And there are songs that fail at attempts to be secretly dirty, pretty much anything by Katy Perry. You're not fooling anyone with you're Peacock, 'lady'! But then there are some songs I just didn't realize were so muthaf*@%ing dirty! Here's a loook at 8 of them!
Poker Face--Lady Gaga
What it's secretly about: Bisexuality
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
Lady Gaga admitted recently that the poker face she was referring to was the one she wears while having sex with a dude when she really wants to be sexing up a lady. She's bisexual, yo! Madonna's all like 'I was faux-bisexual before it was cool.' Kind of makes the Glee cover between Rachel and her biological mom extra grody now. Yeah I admit it, I watched Glee a few times..
Afternoon Delight--The Starland Vocal Band
What it's secretly about: Having sex in the daytime
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
How can something so wholesome sounding be so friggin' dirty?? They were boning all the time in the 70s, amirite? But having a little afternoon delight is not as delightful as it may sound. Especially when your a kid whose parents forget it's a half day at school. Some things need to remain in the dark of night, mom and dad.
Blister In The Sun--Violent Femmes
What it's secretly about: Masturbation
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Body and beats, I stain my sheets. I don't even know why.
Wait...this song is about masturbation?? I must have have looked pretty sophisticated singing it dorkily as a tween. Although it is nice to realize that I truly was once that innocent. And ew to the FAP blisters. Is that even possible!?!
My Sharona--The Knack
What it's secretly about: Jailbait
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind.
Who doesn't love this tune? It's got a good beat and you can dance to it. And if you do what the 25 year old songwriter did (sleep with a 17 year old girl) you could get arrested! FUN FACT: The underage girl the songwriter was obsessed with appears on the above cover! Talk about your lenient parents!
Glad You Came--The Wanted
What it's secretly about: Giving a girl an orgasm
Secretly Dirty Lyric- The sun goes down The stars come out...glad you came
Okay...maybe it's not that secretly dirty. We get it The Wanted! You're WAY edgier than One Direction. And ewwww!
Brown Sugar--The Rolling Stones
What it's secretly about: Slave Rape
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Hear him whip the women just around midnight.
Okay. WTF have I been singing all these years?? This is the problem when you just bother to learn the chorus of a song. Who can argue with loving brown sugar? I mean, I knew it was really about being attracted to black ladies, to put it mildly, but slave rape?! SLAVE RAPE!?? I can't even...
YMCA--The Village People
What it's secretly about: Casual Sex
Secretly Dirty Lyric- They have everything for young men to enjoy You can hang out with all the boys
It's nice to know that all of our grandmas are joyfully dancing at weddings and bar mitzvahs to a song that is basically an ode to casual gay sex. Bravo, Village People! You're looking mighty hilarious right now!
First Dance--Justin Bieber
What it's secretly about: Losing your virginity
Secretly Dirty Lyric- Girl, I promise I'll be gentle, I know we gotta do it slowly.
Are we seriously supposed to believe this is about a first dance?? Has anyone ever need someone to gently dance with them? I mean come on! And another thing...we know you'll be gentle for that 'first dance', Justin. There's no apparatus for you to hurt a girl with. ZING!
Any other dirty songs I missed? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below and I'll put 'em on the next list!