Halloween is a time to be whatever you want to be. However there are a few costumes that you probably shouldn't wear if you plan on ever being cool again. Here are Halloween costumes that you should avoid.
This is a fine costume for a hip grandma, but there is no reason anyone under 50 or over 5 should wear this costume and think that they're being clever. As punishment for wearing this costume, you should be banned from Halloween for life.
Really Expensive Masks
$250 giant dragon masks are super awesome. I would never fault anyone for wanting to try to go as one of these. It's cool and everyone knows it! The problem wish masks like that is they tend to get very hot and wet, and glasses tend to get impossibly foggy. Your costume is going to quickly change fron Dragon Warrior to guy in glasses carrying dragon mask.
If you're at a party, you're bound to wind up in some pictures. You may not realize it, but anything you put on the internet is going to be there forever. Good luck explaining to your future possible employers the suddle irony in your extremely offensive costume.
Foam Character Costumes
You may not think going as a giant pizza slice is a bad idea. Everyone loves pizza, right? That's true. What everyone doesn't love is talking to a someone that they can't see. It's just creepy. You don't know if you should look at the mouth or the eyes when you talk to them. If you're in a foam character costume, you are definitely going home alone tonight.
You're Borat costume would have been really funny in 2007, but it's not really that great of an idea. The worst part is that you have to speak with an accent the entire night. If you give up the accent for even a minute, then you'll get called out by everyone you see. "YOU STOPPED TALKING LIKE HIM! DO THE CATCH PHRASE! DO IT!"
A Teacher From Your School
Sure, Mrs. Rose is your favorite teacher and beloved by the whole school, there is no bigger way to be a suck up than dress as your teacher. It also sends them a creepy message. Now they know that if anything happens to them, there is someone waiting to take their place like a pod person.
Unironic Disney Character
Once you're out of elementary school, you have to stop dressing as Disney characters unironically. It's just way too creepy to dress like that once you hit a certain age. Most people realize this, but there are always still a few people that love Disney too much to give it up. If you must insist on going as a Disney character, at least go as a zombie or vampire version of the character.
The following is a transcript of every conversation that you'll have on Halloween. "Sweet mullet costume, bro. Business in front and party in the back!" "No. I'm not a mullet. I'm in a suit and I have a birthday card on my back. Get it?" "Mullet?" "It's a BIRTHDAY SUIT! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"
When planning your costume make sure to remember that you both have to be able to carry the weight of it and fit through doors. These are pretty much the two basic requirements for wearing a Halloween costume. If you're out Trick Or Treating in a suit of armor or as a small boat, then I really hope that you live in a neighborhood that doesn't have very many hills.
Duo With Your Parents
This is just embarassing. Hopefully, you and your parent are a platonic duo like the Mario Bros. or Batman and Robin and not two characters that are supposed to be in love with each other. Edward and Bella from Twilight costumes are completely inappropriate to wear with your parent. If they allow that, then you should probably be taken away from them.
What's the most embarrassing costume that you ever wore on Halloween? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!