Because the internet is at least seventy percent selfish d-bags, "gallon smashing" has become a big deal on YouTube. If you haven't yet seen anyone gallon smash, it's a prank where a kid — probably an adolescent white male whose father is distant and whose mother never told him anything he did was wrong — goes to a grocery store and spikes jugs of milk or juice on the ground, exploding their contents all over the place and pretending to slip when some nice fellow customer tries to help them up.
Although, the lessons these gallon smashers are learning in terms of preying on helpless citizens to make their own lives feel less hollow will certainly serve them well if they decide to go into finance.
Gallon smashing is a potential 201 class next semester at Harvard Business School.
But as the fad has caught on, teens are finding themselves being arrested for gallon smashing. Four teens in Mississippi were arrested for disorderly conduct after gallon smashing in a Walmart, while a teen who smashed some gallons in Butte, Montana was charged with mischief and theft. So these kids are being arrested for copying a YouTube fad. I mean, if you're going to get arrested, at least be arrested for something original. There's nothing worse than going to jail for a crime that we've all seen before.
Dude, murder's been around since, like, the ancient Greeks. YAWN.
Here's the thing. All comedy has a target. There's always a butt of the joke. When we think about that in the context of gallon smashing, who are the laughs coming at the expense of? Old ladies. Minimum wage-earning employees. Helpful citizens. And what did these people do to earn our disdain? Entered a grocery store. So congratulations YouTubers. You're laughing at helpful people who have the audacity to go grocery shopping.
Let's tear these a**holes to to shreds.
Now, I've been pretty harsh on gallon smashing here, but I think we can all agree that one truly horrible thing has come out of it. Gallon smashing is a topic that is serious enough topic for local newspapers to write about, but not so serious that those newspapers think they can "have a little fun with it". That means every lazy local journalist is literally writing the EXACT SAME OPENING PARAGRAPH.
"And then we'll say that the kids getting arrested are 'crying over spilled milk!'"
Have you gone gallon smashing? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Youtuber Charles Ross Arrested for Giving Strangers Wedgies!