When I was but four days old, I ran into a burning building and saved the lives of dozens of orphaned kittens. I bathed each and every one of them with my infant tongue and adopted them as my own, raising them to adulthood. They and their descendants remain my loyal servants to this day. But most heroes are not like me, and have to get through adolescence before they start beating baddies. I know, for I watched them grow at a loving but safe distance. Here's what your favorite video game heroes were like as teens!
Kratos
Kratos doesn't like to talk about it, but he once had a serious weight problem. Trust me, the dude was pissed off WAY before Ares tricked him into killing his family. How would YOU feel if you got picked last in dodgeball despite being half-god? He was really sensitive about it, too: if you called him fat, he'd cut off your head and jam it into your spurting neck hole.
Master Chief
John-117 is, was, and always has been too cool for school. See him shreddin' that axe? That's because MC don't play no rhythm guitar. Nah, homie. MC's a lead man. The kind of man whose uptight teacher hates him for never coming to class, but who gives him an A+ when he saves Spartan High's honor in the Battle of the Bands versus those darned Covenant. Even as a teenager, Master Chief would swaddle you in his warm charisma and sweet riffs until your will was putty in his hands and you would love him for it.
Sonic
It's best we don't talk too much about Sonic's teen years. Let's just say this: meth is bad and hedgehogs are never born blue.
Marcus Fenix
I know what you're thinking: with a build like that, Marcus (better known as "that Gears of War guy who looks and sounds exactly like the other ones but is the main one I guess") must have been a mega-jock. WRONG. Like Hugh Jackman before him, this bad boy was a musical theater prodigy. To this day he still remembers most of his tap training. Listen closely next time you hear him crush an alien skull with his feet- you just might recognize "Singin' in the Rain"!
Ryu
From the ages of 15-17 Ryu was sad all the time and no one knew why. He had this big crush on Chun-Li, who was dating his buddy Ken back then. Chun-Li tried to get Ken to talk to him about his problems, but Ken was 15 so what did he know? He just told Ryu to "lighten up," which totally didn't help. Anyway, it turned out Ryu's dad was dying or something. Wait. Maybe his parents were getting divorced? Hang on, maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Ryu was definitely a bummer though.
Lara Croft
Teen Lara Croft had no personality whatsoever, unless you count "having a chest people like staring at" as a personality. Good thing that changed!
Are you the one true savior and messiah, come to rescue us from ourselves? Let us know in the comments!
Check out What Kratos Will Be Like After He Takes Anger Management Classes!
