I was rewatching Toy Story 3 the other day, because @danborrelli has feelings too, and it occurred to me that all of the toys from these 3 movies were based off of classic 70s toys. A barrel of monkeys, a cowboy, the bookworm, etc. So I started thinking back to when I was a kid and wondered what toys were totally left out of this trilogy. So I made a list! I also left out the reoccurring internet joke about Andy’s mom’s "toy". God internet you ruin so much childhood on a daily basis…
There’s NO way Andy would have grown up Pogless. 0% chance. And incorporating Pogs into the movie as some sort of Toy Story version of the paintings in Harry Potter would have been awesome! They could have spoken solely in riddles, voiced by every cast member from every NBC sitcom. It would have been fantastic. I’m writing a letter…
5. MAGIC 8 BALL
How awesome would it have been if Woody had some weird Aviator-like obsession where he had to consult a magic 8-ball before making any major decision. We could have had an entirely different outcome. Instead of rescuing Buzz in the first movie, he might have ended up just staying inside watching The Wonder Years on Netflix.
EDITOR NOTE: There WAS an 8-Ball in Toy Story. Get it together, Borrelli!
4. OPTIMUS PRIME
Oh, there’s a really mean teddy bear terrorizing you and your friends? That sounds SOOOO awful for every toy involved. Except Optimus #($&ing Prime! These movies would have lasted 10 seconds. We meet the toys, they face a problem, OP delivers a bunch of bullets. #Disney
3. BEANIE BABIES
Andy’s sister totally would have had a massive collection of these sitting at the foot of her canopy bed. A small, mindless army that could have been a rival brigade to the young alien race that inhabited the Toy Story universe. Every loveable character needs a rival, and this would have been an epic battle. Bears vs. Aliens, by Sir Michael Bay. Mark it.
2. GAME BOY
A highly intuitive supercomputer that the group could have used while hatching their plans. The Game Boy would be the Rosetta Stone of the toy universe. And just as everything came to a head in the climax, he would give his own life, for the safety of his friends. For this computer had finally learned how to love…
1. THAT BALANCING BIRD THING FROM THE 90S
Things things were awesome. And one of them would have been a great companion to the core group. Of course it couldn’t do much, pretty much, just balance and stuff… But it could have provided sarcastic, witty one-liners. Maybe be voiced by Martin Short or something. I’ll add it to my letter…
What toy would you add to the movies? Let me know in the comments below or by screaming at me @danborrelli