My entire list-making career has led me to this very moment. DINOSAURS. No matter how many feathers they put on them or how many attempts to deny their existence despite giant pieces of evidence to the contrary, dinosaurs are what made our planet cool. Now all we have going for us is Jennifer Lawrence and marmosets, which is pretty dang good come to think of it.
10. “Nessie” The Loch Ness Monster (And Other Cryptids)
If I’ve learned anything from a channel that once taught me history, Nessie is not only the lynchpin of Scottish tourism, she’s also a test of the lengths people will go to believe the fantastic is possible. And I totally support that. Science is the great killjoy. Nessie for president!
9. Raptor Jesus
Yay, look upon the works of Raptor Jesus and rejoice! For the lord did send down his only raptor son to teach us compassion and the tastiness of herbivores. One day, Raptor Jesus will return and fight Human Jesus. Why do you think the Pope quit? He’d be in the splash zone. BEWARE THE VELOCIRAPTURE!
8. Dino, Flintstones
Did you ever wonder about how every other dinosaur on the Flintstones is an oppressed indentured servant but all Dino has to do is pretend to be a dog and he’s set for life? That’s kind of my job plan right now. See ya later suckers! I mean WOOF you later (nailed it).
7. Cera, The Land Before Time
Sure she’s kind of a brat and maybe a little bit racist but this is my list and she was always my favorite because triceratops’ were always my favorite kind of dinosaur. My list, my rules…oh NOW I get why she’s my favorite. Beat it long necks!
6. Denver The Last Dinosaur, Denver The Last Dinosaur
5. Reptar, Rugrats
If anyone ever said they didn’t yearn for a Reptar bar in their youth is a dirty, dirty liar. Or super duper young. Either way, get off my lawn, Reptar rules!
4. Rex, Toy Story Franchise
Rex represents the towering irrational fear within us all. He is us and we are him; plastic and yet vulnerable, comic and yet tragically short armed. Also he’s voiced by the “inconceivable” actor from The Princess Bride, which is the actual Chicken Soup for the Soul.
I don’t know why everyone is so down on nuclear power. If it creates all these giant, mutant beings it seems like something we should be looking into.
2. Raptors, Jurassic Park
Dinosaurs existing in our world would be terrifying. What Jurassic Park did to make them exponentially more terrifying was to make them super intelligent as well. It’s one thing to have the dumb reptilian monster chase you, it’s another to have him open doors and lure you into his Bond villain-like traps.
1. Yoshi, Super Mario Franchise
You’ve been reading Smosh Pit for how long? Of course Yoshi is the number one pick! He’s one part transportation, two parts weapon and an all around solid individual with an excellent sneaker collection.
Do our lists match up? Did I miss your favorite? Let me know in the comments!
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