Bad news everybody; unless your parents are fabulously wealthy, or they aren’t but you just end up living with them until you perish in some sort of sad accident (and this option is much worse than what we’re about to talk about), you are going to have roommates. But I’m here to help you navigate the minefield that is living with other people. I know, we’re very helpful here at Smosh. In order to help with this, I’ve compiled some research (and by that, I mean ‘Had roommates’) and think I have managed to come up with the 8 things to look out for in your first roommate:
Too Clean/Not Clean Enough
With these two qualities, you really want a roommate who is a happy medium between them. If they’re too clean, you’re going to end up getting a lot of icy stares because of some dirty dishes in the sink while your roommate vacuums themselves out the front door. If they’re really dirty? Well, then there’s a good chance they’re going to have a good friend who goes by the name “Cockroach”. You know, like the bugs that can survive the apocalypse.
Really Bad Taste In Music
Now, I don’t mean bad taste like Dave Mathews Band, or KoRn. That happens when people have a hard time leaving college behind. No, I’m talking about people who listen to things like the Macarena. On repeat. THE MACARENA. People who love music that has been parodied in movies like “Alvin and the Chipmunks” will likely end up sonically driving you insane.
Does Not Have A Job
They better have this, or at least rich parents. Because, if not, guess what? You better get used to paying all the rent (also, sometimes you luck out and move in with someone who already has a TV).
Doesn’t Own Anything Helpful
After my last relationship ended, I moved in with some friends, and about a week in one of them informed me they did not own a broom. A BROOM. The most ancient of cleaning tools, and they did not own one. Since then, I have had to buy things like an iron, a bucket, dish towels. You want people who can contribute their fair share of the necessary house hold items, and not just shrug their shoulders and say “Oh, do we need that?”
Is A Total Creep
Because creeps be creepy. Guard both your stuff, and your sexual innocence if you live with a real sexual weirdo.
Eats Your Food
Yeah, the first time they’re just hungry and didn’t have time to grab something. But after months? They are mooches. For God’s sake, it’s not the apocalypse, there is food everywhere. 7 – Eleven sells food, and they’re awful.
This is really bad, because what are you going to do? Not only does a significant other end up spending a lot of time at their partner’s apartment, but they’re essentially immune to criticism because your roommate loves them, like a total chump. Also, sometimes you’ll end up hearing them… y’know. Thin walls are awful.
Always Covered in Blood
This means there are two situations; it’s their own blood, and they’re going to need you to give them some of your own precious (and some might say, delicious) blood so they don’t die. OR it’s someone else’s blood, and they are a raving psychopath, here to bring their terrible wrath onto the planet. Or maybe just your apartment building.
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