Yesterday, Sony revealed its next-generation console, the PlayStation 4, and I watched it in a goddamn fervor. Man, we were going to hear new things about video games! I don't know if you guys know this, but video games are the best. So while I went into this press conference with my expectations at an all time high, I went through a WIDE range of emotions, which I will now describe for you, so you can know that I'm confident enough in myself to talk about my feelings in a public forum. Here are the emotions I went through as Sony announced the Playstation 4.
Pure joy as Sony announced it would be called the Playstation 4
It was during the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Halo: Reach days that I fell out of BOTH of those franchises, waiting for the official, canonical 4th entry in the series. If the new Sony console was called "Orbis" or simply "Playstation", as was rumored leading up to the event, we would never be able to shake the thought that this new system wasn't the TRUE successor to the Playstation 3. No, the new Sony console would seem like a pretender that no one really wanted around, like that dude who keeps coming to your parties in neon green sunglasses and two collared shirts or every United States president since Lyndon Johnson.
Mild, expected disappointment when I saw the new controller
Of course the Playstation 4's controller was going to be the Dualshock with a touchpad. That was to be expected. But man, I was still holding out hope that at least the left joystick would switch places with the d-pad, or best case, both sticks switch places with the d-pad and face buttons, a la the Wii U.
I know, I know, we've all used Dualshock controler for a long time, but this is Stockholm syndrome — we mainly use the joysticks to play games, and our hands would be far more comfortable if they were in the positions at which our thumbs naturally rest. And I say this not to bash Sony, but as a person who has human hands and not the craggily, broken hands of a witch.
Guarded excitement watching Killzone Shadow Fall announcement
Killzone Shadow Fall — which I can't imagine will get out of the PR department without being renamed Killzone Sh4dow F4ll — looks amazing, but I'm weary about uncontrollable gameplay videos at this point. The Playstation 3 was announced with a Killzone 2 video that proved to be, well, less that honest.
And remember, Aliens: Colonial Marines looked great in videos, but when you bought it and opened up the case instead of a game disk there was a cloud of insects that all flew into your mouth and gave you the disease you fear the most.
Literally nothing during the announcement of DriveClub
I'm sure some people will be super into DriveClub, but me? Nothing. It was like my grandfather's funeral up in there. Not a damn thing.
Anger at the Sucker Punch guy who announced Infamous Second Son but was all "Who amongst you will have the bravery to fight for our freedom?"
Hey, guy form Sucker Punch? How about you quit shaming me for not being so punk rawk that I want to attack every police officer I run across, huh? I'm sorry you got tear-gassed in 1999 for protesting all the wars we were involved with in 19 goddamn 99, but there's a time to be anti-authority and it's called high school.
Holy Christ an overwhelming love for The Witness
If you take the built-up good will from Braid and combine it with the interesting things creator Jonathan Blow spoke of, like a dense, important open world and the distillation of the ephemeral concept of epiphanies, and you literally get the greatest game of all time.
I heard purchasing The Witness is like eating ice cream on a sweltering day. I heard that the working title for The Witness was "The Feeling of What the World Would Be Like if Santa Was Real". I heard that purchasing The Witness causes that swarm of Aliens: Colonial Marines bugs swarms around you, but instead of giving you the disease you fear most, it goes out and finds that girl you've been crushing on and convinces her to give you a chance.
Every emotion ever during the Media Molecule 3D sculpting demo
At first I was happy to see Media Molecule, creators of Little Big Planet, talking about a new game. Then I was mad they were focusing on the Move controller. Then I was impressed when I saw what they were doing with their 3D sculpting tech. Then I was overjoyed when I realized how fun that music scene looked. Then I was sad because it reminded me of Rock Band, and the knowledge that Rock Band is a thing of the past. Then I got even sadder when I remembered how much my grandfather loved me and for the very first time began to experience his death. And then finally, I was super stoked to see what else Media Molecule might do with the Playstation 4!
Despair at the overall length of that press conference
Sony went on to show Watch Dogs, and Diablo 3, and Destiny, but by that point the conference had been on for like 11 hours and I had to go to bed. It was exhausting having all these emotions! Is this what people who aren't dead on the inside feel ALL THE TIME?
How did you feel watching the PlayStation 4 announcement? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!