I'm writing this from my bed at 1:42 am central standard time, wishing so badly that I was asleep. But you see, while some people's brains are like the hard drives in a Macbook Air - lightning fast, responsive, but without a lot of storage space — my brain is like the hard drive of a Macbook Pro — huge, powerful, but slow, especially when starting up or, in tonight's case, shutting down. So I'm going to spend this time chronicling some of the dumbest things my brain thinks of when I'm trying to get to sleep.
All the ways I wasted today
Sure, I spent six hours on the internet today but if I don;t continue to support the internet it could collapse. Then what would people do when their dogs did something funny or they ran into a cast member from Community?
All that I'll have to do tomorrow because of it
I can probably go grocery shopping WHILE I'm babysitting and finishing my term paper and grinding all those coffee beans and doing laundry and finally calling my mother and throwing away all that moldy fruit from the last time I went grocery shopping.
The worst thing I ever did in my whole life
Have you ever tried getting to sleep when your brain won't stop bugging you about the time you did that... you know... thing? Or even worse, things? I've done so many terrible things I sleep with a stack of apology cards next to my bed.
How far away from achieving my dreams I am
Boy, if wasn't for these late-night catch up sessions with you, brain, I'd never realize what a mistake clown college was.
That one friend from high school I KNOW is going through a hard time and that I should call but what would I say and what can I ever do to make everything okay?
To keep my brain from going on about this one, I usually get up and like one of said friend's Facebook statuses. I'm sure he knows that means I'm, you know, there for him.
I can never tell if I'm actually hungry when I'm going to sleep or if I'm just bored falling asleep. But man does a taco sound good right now. I can just imagine eating a taco, letting it all fall all over myself. Oh man, what if I had a bed made out of tacos? Then I could just eat tacos as I fell asleep. And then all my problems would be over...
Okay, that didn't make even a little bit of sense. That's good. I'm starting to fall asleep. Maybe I'll dream about tacos.
Ways to balance the federal budget through a series of strategic revenue increases and reductions in spending
I don't see why the president doesn't ask me for advice on negotiating the fiscal cliff deal with congressional Republicans after I've had some warm milk and put on my PJs.
This scary .GIF I saw like two years ago
BRAIN THIS ISN'T REALLY HAPPENING IN MY ROOM RIGHT? BRAIN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? BRAIN, TALK TO ME! BRAIN, DID IT GET YOU?
I'M SO SORRY BRAIN.
Okay, things are getting a little easier to handle now. Thanks for coming through with these cute dogs, brain. I think I can finally get to sleep...
The best idea I've ever had
Wait hold on brain that's a really good idea I should write that dowwwnsaoisv'nep;aonp;vsdl,'fg .;;;;;;;;;;;;;lcwe'l;;;;;;;;;;;;;';l
What does your brain do to you when you're trying to go to sleep? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!