It’s the end of the year, and bloggers around the world are compiling their Best of 2012 lists. That’s fine, but don’t you think everyone’s jumping the gun? What if something awesome happens on December 31st? Just to be safe, I’m really only comfortable reminiscing about the early part of 2012. Here’s some stuff that happened not that long ago that we’re already nostalgic for.
iPhones That Had Some Heft To Them
Back in my day, when you were holding a smart phone, you felt some resistance in your forearm. You could get a workout just from balancing the device on your palm whilst trying to text with your thumb. But ever since the lighter, sleeker iPhone 5 came out, people haven’t been able to work out, thus the obesity epidemic.
Sh*t Girls Say Making Us Laugh
Remember when the Internet was funny? “Sh*t Girls Say” was a genuinely poignant, amusing piece. And then the commonfolk killed it with their imitation videos and their not realizing their friends had already posted it a month ago. Humor is endangered due to overpopulation.
Politics Being A Thing
Rick Santorum put Urban Dictionary on the map, and Mitt Romney induced Mitt Mania amongst at least three people. We took a brief hiatus to watch the Olympics, but then SNL started having Jay Pharoah play Obama, and we had to pay attention once more. Now it’s like, we get it, please stop emailing us, k thanx bye.
Rihanna Being Likeable
It’s bad enough that we have to change the radio station every time Chris Brown comes on the air. This year, RiRi started to show her entitled celebrity b.s. colors, holding a private plane of journalists “captive” and releasing music with Mr. Smack That himself. Also, “Diamonds” is not a good song. I’m done with her.
Uggie From “The Artist”
When “The Artist” won the Oscar earlier this year, everyone was fixated on one tour de force: Uggie the Jack Russell Terrier. The world marveled at this animal who could make us laugh, cry, and delight us on red carpets and talk shows. Now all we have left is that pale imitation at lowest-common-denominator entertainment: Honey Boo Boo.
The Sanctity Of Marriage
Amy Poehler and Will Arnett? Seal and Heidi Klum? Khloe and Lamar (omg but are they)? I’m not so sure about Global Warming anymore; seems like everybody’s cooling off. Jess and Justin, we’re counting on you!
What else do you already miss about early 2012? Let us know in the comments!