Novelty songs are the bane of my existence. They are always annoying, always catchy in the same way a horrible, deadly flu is catchy, and every terrible chain business will start playing them non-stop as soon as a new one creeps up on us. If you’re wondering what a novelty song is, it’s not simply an incredibly catchy song from a singer/band that clearly has the longevity of unpasteurized milk. It’s a deliberately cheesy, insincere song, often made by someone who isn’t really a musician. Need some examples? BROTHER, WE GOT EM! Here now, are the 8 Worst Novelty Songs:
Bloodhound Gang: The Bad Touch
When I was twelve, it thought this song was hilarious. You know what else I thought was hilarious? Everything else that was not even remotely funny. This song features the most immature sex jokes, I swear I once heard a thirteen year old boy describe it as “a bit much”.
Elmo & Patsy: Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
This list could exclusively be Christmas Carols, but we’ll keep it to this one. This song would be fine and cheeky if I heard, I don’t know, a couple times around Christmas. Instead you hear it NON-STOP AROUND CHRISTMAS! I understand not everyone wants a very solemn Christmas (I don’t even celebrate it) but this has got to be the dumbest song of all time. “Hooray our savior is born, haha an elderly woman was involved in a hit and run with some mythical creatures.”
Tom Glazer: On Top Of Spaghetti
Kids, good lord kids, you gotta stop with the song. A rollicking yarn describing the adventures of a meatball that rolls onto the floor after it is sneezed off its plate (what?), it is always sung as loud and as off key as possible by a child who really needs an XBOX controller shoved in his hands or something.
Aqua: Barbie Girl
Look, I get that this song is also satirical. It’s making a point about the beauty myth, and the standards placed women. BUT IT IS ALSO THE MOST ANNOYING! Satire does not get a pass just for being satire, it’s still obnoxious if it is the sonic equivalent of enduring needle torture.
Tom Green: Lonely Swedish (The Bum Bum Song)
SHOOT. ME. IN. THE. FACE.
Baja Men: Who Let The Dogs Out
This song would have been bad enough if it had just existed as most bad novelty songs do, happening to us then not happening to us, but instead we got countless parodies of it, be they just quick one offs on the Simpsons, or horrible national marketing campaigns. This song is reviled not just for the damage it did on release, but for the after effects we had to deal with for years.
Eddie Murphy: Boogie In Your Butt
Why can’t people just do what they do exceedingly well?! Eddie Murphy is funny! He was the biggest comedy star in the eighties! Why do performers feel the need to do other forms of performing once they become successful? RL Stine didn’t start writing biographies based on the success of Goosebumps.
Los del Rio: The Macarena
Congratulations, Los del Rio, you’ve managed to make weddings even worse.
All art must be approved by personally, right? Let us know in the comments!