Our natural human instincts tell us to avoid insects and lizards. I mean, come on. They're UGLY. But our defenses are easily penetrated by adorable little animals, and that makes adorable little animals the most dangerous animals of all. Here are some of the cutest animals who have ended a human life:
A man named Carl Hulsey tormented his pet goat, Snowball, hitting him with a stick to make him more aggressive, presumably to fight off goat bullies. But after years of abuse, Snowball got HIS and rammed Hulsey over his deck, sending him to his death. While animals that kill humans are generally put down, the story of Snowball went around. Soon a campaign to save his life began and resulting in Snowball's eventual stay of execution. That said, everyone on Snowball's side now that he's married to Hulsey's widow.
Sure, it's all fun and games on TV sitcoms when someone gets a pet monkey and names it something hilarious like Mr. Tigglttums or Bradley, but real-life monkeys are dangerous. In fact, in the Indian city of Delhi, wild monkeys attacked the deputy mayor, sending him tumbling off his balcony to his doom — seemingly the adorable animals' preferred modus operandi. This points to a cute animal conspiracy, and, let me tell you, once the cute animals start planning together, we're done for. It'll be like fighting a tiny, cute Legion of Doom, and you can't hit Gorilla Grodd if he's a baby.
Don't let his his jolly demeanor fool you — the puffer fish is full of deadly poison. There's even a reported incident of the puffer fish killing a killing a paratrooper, either the strongest or weakest kind of soldier.
Although, the poison doesn't really help the puffer fish. Since it would need to already be dead for it to have any effect, making the puffer fish nature's passive aggressive roommate. Reeeeeeal mature, puffer fish.
One time a duck kamikazed himself into a man on a boat, delivering “blunt force trauma” to his head, and knocking him into the water where he drowned.The duck’s body was also recovered, so it was like a duck murder/suicide.
Sleepy baby kitten
The ultimate stealth operative for cute animals, the sleepy baby kitten is allowed to go ANYWHERE, even where we store our most vulnerable humans — the crib. This cat suffocated a baby, which is horrifying. Murdering a baby is so frightening that when this story hit the Hell version of the internet, Saddam Hussein, Judas Iscariot, every Nazi ever, Richard Nixon, the real-life guy who Jason from Friday the 13th was based on all got together and were like "Cold move cat. Cold move."
What adorable animal do you hope ends your life? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!