The big news coming out of “Tinseltown” (Hollywood, not the place they manufacture all the Christmas decorations) is, of course, their purchase of Lucasfilms and plans to release Star Wars Episode VII. This is all anyone wants to talk about (it’s true, there is not one single person discussing anything else, even Hurricane Sandy or the presidential election) and that’s too bad, because it’s ignoring some of the other potential franchises that are ripe to be snapped up by Disney and restarted. Here are 7 Other Franchises For Disney To Buy:
The Godfather
Francis Ford Coppola has said over and over that he made The Godfather to be about Family, and who loves family movies more than Disney? According to me, right now, right here in this article, no one! You could even have a great scene where Don Corleone appears in the clouds to reassure a nervous Michael that he can lead the family into it’s phase of legitimacy!
Rocky
Rocky is trained for the biggest fight of his now 70-year career by… JIMINY CRICKET! And then he get’s disqualified from the match for using HGH.
Twilight
While this franchise is still going on, I’m sure Disney would to have it, and they could make it appeal to even younger girls by… adding cartoon birds or something? Have the witch from Sleeping Beauty be the head vampire? They’d think of something. One thing I know for sure, the Beast and Belle are evidence that Disney would have no qualms with a relationship as emotionally abusive as Edward and Bella’s.
Shaft
An already beloved-yet-controversial property, Disney would probably go the route of changing Shaft from a private dick who gets all the chicks, to a down home elderly man who loves sitting on porches, and doesn’t think segregation is that bad. Oh wait, they made that already? Yoh boy…
Death Wish
Jiminy Cricket would also be brought back for this property, where he sings “When you Death Wish Upon A Star” and then is shot in the face by Charles Bronson. And, yes, I am aware Charles Bronson is dead, Disney has the technology to bring corpses back to life. It’s why this project is a good fit.
Fast And The Furious
Imagine Vin Diesel, a living human who already seems a lot like a cartoon character, trying to rob a truck while driving one of the cars… from the movie CARS! It’s genius.
Lars Von Trier’s “Europe Trilogy”
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Mickey goes blind, and then is hung when he’s falsely accused of murdering the man who stole the money for his son’s operation. And that’s the uplifting part of the trilogy!
Episode VII is going to be a nightmare, we can already tell, can’t we? Let us know in the comments!
Check Out Ten Reasons Disney’s Purchase Of Star Wars Is The Best News!
