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6 Lessons You Can Throw Away Immediately Upon Graduating High School


High school is a stressful time. Everyone’s trying to be everything at once: the cool kid, the student, the athlete, the governor (?), but really, it’s just Fake Life. So many things that seem important in grades 9-12 are totally insignificant the minute you hit college or trade school or your cabin in the woods or whatever. Here are some lessons you can throw away immediately upon graduating high school.


You Have To Turn Things In On Time

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You don’t. If it would screw someone else over, then by all means, git ‘er done. But in Life After High School, it’s more important that you learn how to deal with people so that you’re able to serve all your needs, not just your need to people-please. For instance, if I’m unable to turn in a Smosh blog by deadline, I can email my kind editors in advance and they’ll oh-so-kindly grant me an extension because they’re the nicest people ever (Hi, guys!). You can do the same with [whatever job you have unless it’s saving the world]. And if you’re not granted any leeway… well… that’s what tear ducts are for.


Being Popular Matters

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Nope. Having money matters. If you have money, you’ll be popular, so let’s focus on one thing at a time. Popularity is so arbitrary; it has little to do with how charismatic or sweet you are. Most of the time it’s determined by what one influential person thinks of you. The plan is: make a lot of money, buy the affections of the coolest person you know, and voila – you just filled up your mansion party with Swifts and Biebers.


Math Is A Thing

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Okay, maybe you’re going to study something like “MATH” or “SCIENCE” in college, but the rest of us liberal-arts-types should feel free to forget where we stored our graphing calculators (until the day rapper TI comes to campus and everyone waves their TI-83+’s in the air; best day of my life). Just learn how to quickly calculate a tip (double the tax, heyyo) and no one will ever care that you completely forgot what a stoichiometry is.


The More Clubs You’re Involved In, The Awesomer

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In high school, your self-worth is determined by the number of pages you appear on in the yearbook. In college, that just can’t be. I tried doing All The Things my freshman year at Yale, and I died in October. When I came back to life, I realized that college clubs require you to fully dedicate yourself to whatever it is they’re asking of you (in my case, the cult of a cappella), and one simply cannot accommodate as many masters as one did back when “club membership” meant “putting your name on the list at the start-of-school fair.” Spare yourself the angst and pare down how many times you’re willing to be hazed.


Homework Should Take Precedence Over Parties

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I meannnnn, don’t flunk out. Beyond that, figure out the minimum amount of work necessary to allow you to still achieve your goals, and do just that. Going out at night and getting to know your classmates can be equally as valuable as finishing that problem set. I’ve gotten every job I’ve ever had through people I’ve met while socializing. Yeah, you want to learn stuff and knowledge is power and everything, but don’t let it ruin your time!


You Should Know What You Want To Do With Your Life By Age 18

How can you POSSIBLY know for-sure-for-certain-no-take-backs what you want to do with your life before you’ve even heard about all the fields that are available to you? There are many ways to make yourself happy, and most of them can still be accessed late into your twenties, if not at any point in your life. My mom was a social worker and is now a YouTube talk show host. Go figure. Your success in life will be determined by your ability to listen to your gut and reinvent yourself if necessary. The moral of the story is: everyone should be a ballerina, whether or not you think you have the feet for it.


What are some other lessons you believe should be thrown away after high school? Let us know in the comments!


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