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Articles on this Page
- 08/17/12--14:22: _7 Classes You Shoul...
- 08/21/12--16:45: _Ten Common Expressi...
- 08/22/12--11:10: _Avril Lavigne Is En...
- 08/22/12--13:31: _7 Powers I Wish You...
- 08/22/12--17:24: _7 Modes of Transpor...
- 08/23/12--11:17: _Senator Demands Lil...
- 08/23/12--12:42: _Future Technology Y...
- 08/23/12--14:11: _The Most Boring Boa...
- 08/23/12--14:48: _The Very Best of FM...
- 08/23/12--16:40: _Japan is ALL ABOUT ...
- 08/24/12--11:02: _LL Cool J Beats The...
- 08/24/12--13:33: _6 Ways That High Sc...
- 08/24/12--14:51: _The Biggest Plot Ho...
- 08/24/12--16:59: _7 Fictional Charact...
- 08/25/12--14:26: _Caption The Cat, WI...
- 08/27/12--11:08: _Furby Is Back, Cree...
- 08/27/12--13:40: _8 Ways To Change Yo...
- 08/27/12--14:15: _6 Reasons You So De...
- 08/27/12--16:17: _8 Older Actors Who ...
- 08/27/12--19:32: _Caption The Cat, Wi...
- 08/17/12--14:22: 7 Classes You Should Take To Get Ready For 'The Hunger Games'
- 08/21/12--16:45: Ten Common Expressions That, It Turns Out, Don't Make Sense At All
- 08/22/12--11:10: Avril Lavigne Is Engaged to Nickelback's Chad Kroeger?!
- 08/22/12--13:31: 7 Powers I Wish You Got When You Leveled Up In RPGs
- 08/22/12--17:24: 7 Modes of Transportation We're Still Waiting For
- 08/23/12--11:17: Senator Demands Lil' Wayne Apologize For Dissing New York
- 08/23/12--12:42: Future Technology You're Going To Want To Have Now
- 08/23/12--14:11: The Most Boring Board Games of All Time
- 08/23/12--14:48: The Very Best of FMLife: iPod Edition!
- 08/23/12--16:40: Japan is ALL ABOUT Girls With Weird Teeth Fangs!
- 08/24/12--11:02: LL Cool J Beats The Crap Out Of Burglar
- 08/24/12--13:33: 6 Ways That High School Is Better Than College!
- 08/24/12--14:51: The Biggest Plot Holes in the Dark Knight Trilogy
- 08/24/12--16:59: 7 Fictional Characters Who Escaped the Friend Zone
- 08/25/12--14:26: Caption The Cat, WIN A SHIRT!
- 08/27/12--11:08: Furby Is Back, Creepier Than Ever!
- 08/27/12--13:40: 8 Ways To Change Your Image For The New School Year
- 08/27/12--16:17: 8 Older Actors Who Played Teens On TV
- 08/27/12--19:32: Caption The Cat, Win A Shirt WINNER!
As you probably know, The Hunger Games is an annual televised event where two teenagers from each of Panem’s 12 districts fight to the death. There can be only one victor, so why not have that victor be YOU? Like so many things in life, the right education can be essential to your success in the Hunger Games. Here are the high school classes you should take to get ready for the Hunger Games.
Sword? Nah, I’ll just practice with this paint brush.
Remember when Peeta painted himself, in the woods, to look exactly like a rock? He learned that decorating cakes. CAKES. Now, I don’t know why people are ordering cakes that look like rocks, but they probably teach you how to do that in Home Economics. As a bonus, chicks dig guys who can bake bread.
Pro tip: When dealing with Tracker Jackers, don’t put up your hood. Your ponytail should be enough protection.
Knowledge of biology helps you know which kind of bees are just bees, and which are horrific genetically-modified wasps. Drop a regular bee hive on your enemies, and they get a few stings, and a ton of free honey. However, drop some Tracker Jackers on your enemies, and they’ll be screaming as their skin swells up and their body fills with hallucinogenic venom. It’s science!
What if you don’t even want to BE in the Hunger Games? Well, if you study statistics, you know you tributes have only about a 4% chance of living. Yikes! To reduce your chances of not being alive anymore, you got to run the numbers on how many tesserae you want to sign up for.
An arrow of mass m is fired from a bow. The string exerts an average force of F on the arrow over a distance d.
A lot of using a bow and arrow is practice, but if you really want to understand what is going on, you are going to need to study the physics. Hopefully you grab a backpack with some supplies, water, AND a graphing calculator.
Girl indeed I can run it, run it
Cardio cardio cardio! Running for your life as a middle-school girl tries to kill you with a throwing knife is a LOT easier if you already have a good fitness regimen.
Let’s talk about girls I want to date.
Part of success in the Hunger Games is getting wealthy Capitol citizens to give you sponsor gifts. Making a good impression before the games even start can be a huge help, so turn on the charm, and let the world know it would be sad if someone threw a spear through your head.
Yay! Let’s form a team!
Not every school offers this, but man, is it helpful.
What are some other classes you should take to get ready to compete in the Hunger Games? Let us know down below.
We can't all think of clever, original banter whenever we run into someone at a cocktail party or an indictment. So most people tend to use idioms they've heard others use at some point in their lives. But have you ever really thoguht about some of these common expressions? Turns out, a lot of them are complete nonsense.
They've got skeletons in their closet
Um, dead bodies stink, okay? So if you had bodies in your closet long enough for them to turn into skeletons, your roommates, neighbors, significant other, etc. already know about them. Uness you're taking already decomposed skeletons into your closet, in which case, you don't understand how commiting crime works.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
Sure you can! Just invite him to your frat house initiation and call him a p*ssy. DELTA PI! DELTA PI!
I once was blind but now I see
Um, that is not how blindness works. My uncle was blind and he never started to see, he just died by falling into an empty swimming pool.
You're the apple of my eye
I get it, it's a metaphor, but the thing is, people don't even likeapples anymore. If we change it to "You're the Game of Thrones of my eye" we can talk.
Straight from the horse's mouth
What, are horses some sort of truth beacon? No! Horses are a bunch of damn liars! Remember, a horse will say or do anything to get an apple. If this phrase were to make sense, it would only be applicable if someone didn't beleive your scheme to get apples would work.
Hand over fist
This phrase generally refers to making a ton of money at a time, but what does it mean? Are you taking money with one hand and stiuffing it into your other fist? Because at that point, why don't you just close the hand that's holding the money and turn it into a fist? And why are you carrying money around in your fists in the first place? How about you put it in the bank and earn interest like a grown-up?
Beggars can't be choosers
Not only can beggars be choosers, they must be choosers, especially when I offer them one of two sandwiches: One containing mustard and one containing poison. Hey, don't judge me for playing games with the homeless' lives! We all have our quirks!
Needless to say
If it was needless to say, you wouldn't say it. This phrase that cancels itself out. It's like if you celebrating your first successful full week on a diet by dipping an Almond Joy in a milkshake.
The grass is always greener on the other side
No. While the grass is often greener on the other side, but sometimes the grass is greener on your side. Like when you get a PlayStation 3 for Christmas and your cousin gets a new desk chair and an egg timer to make sure he practices his saxophone for a full thirty minutes every day.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
A bird isn't worth any more or less than any other bird, no matter it's relation to bushes, ever since the Federal Reserve devalued the bird currency during the Carter administration. Oh, you didn't know that before 1974 the United States used birds as currency? You must not have been paying attention or taking drugs in history class like I was.
What phrases do you straight-up not understand? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Hurricane Katrina. 9/11. Predator drone strikes against Pakistani civilians. The world can seem like a pretty random, cruel place sometimes. But every once in a while. something happens that makes you realize that yes, there is some balance. Maybe the universe does make sense. Yesterday we learned that Avril Lavigne has been dating and is now engaged to Nickelback's Chad Kroeger.
I hate that I know his actual name.
This is going to be the first marriage for Nickelback and the second for Lavigne, who was married from 2006 until 2009 to Sum41 frontman Deryck Whibley. Wait, so Avril Lavigne is jumping from Sum41 to Nickelback?
Who is she, me trying to figure out my identity in ninth grade?
The announcement was made on the birthday of one Brody Jenner, a guy who dated Lavigne for over two years and is famous for, as far as I can tell, being the step-brother of the Kardashians and creating a reality show about how sh*tty a human being is. So the timing of the announcement is either a sad coincidence for Jenner or a huge slap in the face from Lavigne. Either way, anyone who creates and executive produces a show called "The Princes of Malibu" and goes on to star in it himself can never have enough bad things happen to him.
Pictured: Brody Jenner not feeling nearly enough pain.
Sure, it's easy to make fun of this engagement, seeing as how Avril Lavigne is kind of stupid and Nickelback is literally the worst thing since sliced poison bread. But even though the only thing either of them has ever contributed to the world is garbage, and even though it's easy to view them as nothing more than garbage, don't they deserve a moment of happiness? I say, congratulations Avril Lavigne and Nickelback! I wish you both many happy years together and a life full of joy! Really, this couldn't have happened to two bigger pieces of human garbage.
If you'd like to send Avril Lavigne and Nickelback a gift, they're registered at THE DUMPSTER.
Are you happy for the stupid couple? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
RPGs have gotten a little stale. When you level up in a Western RPG, you probably get a bonus to whatever stats you used the most, maybe your spells went up a level as well. In JRPGs, your stats get a bump, and your sword learns some new way to shoot a laser out of it. "Woot". I'd like a little more variety, less predictability in what happens you achieve that frequent goal of gaining a level. So here are 7 Powers I Wish You Got When You Leveled Up In RPGs:
Final Fantasy Battle Music
Sure, lots of RPGs have had great soundtracks. But none have had the great end of battle theme that most of the Final Fantasy's had. So let me have it!
This is for JRPGs only, but I'd like the power to change my characters dumb hair. These guys are all mullets and bangs!
What do I do
Great, the developers have created a vast, sprawling open world. But where the hell do I go next? Just give me a power that tells me where to go next.
Dialogue in RPGs is pretty much never good. Occasionally it might be funny, but generally it's just arch-nonesense. That's why, when you reach a certain level, you should be able to just walk up to shop keeps in towns and change "Hello Adventurer! May I Help You With Purchases For Your Quest?" to "Hello, do you need any help?"
Remember the BFG from Doom? The initials stand for "Big uh, 'Freaking' Gun" and, while swords are great and everything, sometimes you just want to mow everyone down who stands in your path.
Look, I spent 100+ hours grinding to my way to the max level. You can't send a guy a little cash to make his time more worth it?
It'd be nice if one high level power was just getting the lead developers e-mail, so you could e-mail him saying you took the time to grind all the way to a high level and it didn't make your life satisfying so please help bring meaning to my existence...
How do you recommend other people do their job? Let us know in the comments!
Science Fiction has made a lot of promises that haven’t exactly worked out. Sure, writers like Orwell made a frighteningly accurate prediction of how Big Brother would come to rule our lives, but laser gun and hologram is woefully behind what we expected would be the times! Especially jarring is the lack of futuristic ways to get from point A to point B. I mean, cars shmars, right guys?! With that in mind, here are 7 Modes Of Transportation We’re Still Waiting For:
Sure, technically, hovercraft do exist. I’ve seen the end of Rumble in the Bronx. But they’re not the cool hovercraft we all want! They’re more like boats that look like they’re resting on an air mattress, hardly something we’d go back in time to brag about.
Skateboards are cool. Floating skateboards are COOLER! Back to the Future II was the first piece of culture to really cram this notion into ours heads, and I don’t think we’re any closers than we were then (our clothes have gotten better, though.)
Sure, I like using my legs to walk, but I don’t to have to use my muscles to get my legs to walk! That’s not in the incredibly lazy spirit of the future. I long for a day when I can just say “Robot legs… HOOOO!!!!!!” and they take care of the rest.
Admittedly, the logistics of this one seem pretty complicated, but the idea of lying down in something and it just taking me to my destination is very, very appealing.
Some Sort Of Flying Bed, Or Something
See above reason.
I get that the idea of scrambling your molecules, have them move over vast distances, and then reforming them exactly how they were sounds both daunting AND terrifying, but here me out: I hate flying and would like to visit Europe. I am literally willing to run the risk of having my head reform on my ass if it means I don’t sit in coach for twelve hours watching old Two and a Half Men episodes.
Now, stay with me, because this one is the craziest of them all. But imagine a world where you can get shoes, that have wheels, ON THE SHOES. I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet, but I really feel like this things could be huge! You’d walk so much faster than when you just had regular old toes and stuff. But lets’ just keep this a secret between us, at least until I’m out of the prototype stage…
How do you wish you could get around that you can’t yet? Let us know in the comments!
Lil' Wayne spoke to MTV News recently from Las Vegas and was asked about his recent performance with Nicki Minaj in New York. Lil' Wayne, who, keep in mind, was brought up on gun charges there, said simply "Flat out: I don't like New York."
But that was not acceptable to New York State Senator Malcolm A. Smith of Queens, who had time to organize an event on the city's streets to demand an apology.
Good thing your state doesn't have an 11 billion dollar deficit or anything.
"New York City is the birthplace of the Hip Hop music movement," Senator Smith said to MTV News. "Millions of New Yorkers listen to his music every day. His comments outraged his local fans and residents. The group today will be demanding an apology of the hip hop star."
If Lil' Wayne does succumb to this pressure and apologizes, though, it'll set a dangerous precedent. He might have to apologize for everything he doesn't like, including all the Hostess treats that aren't Twinkies, pleated pants, and even the Star Wars prequels.
"I'll have to remember to apologize for this bus smelling like urine."
But I suppose I get it. Someone states they don't like something you like, and the initial reaction is to lash out at them. And New York is obviously very important to Senator Smith, since he was elected by its citizens. But you can't get mad at someone who hates something you care about, even if it's the most important thing in the world to you. If you got tired of holding balloons at an amusement park and decided not to buy them there anymore, the King of Balloons wouldn't get mad at you, would he?
Obviously this metaphor is broken because I have no idea who is in charge of balloons or what the f*ck a "King of Balloons" would even do.
However, I did Google "King of Balloons" and was not disappointed.
It's understandable to not like New York, though! I totally get where Lil' Wayne is coming from. It's a scary place. Everyone there seems mad at me all the time, and they're all in such a hurry I don't see how they can take time for the fun things in life!
Do they even have HUGS in New York?
Should Lil' Wayne apologize to New York? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Lil' Wayne Quits Rap for Skateboarding?!
We’re living in exciting times. Rovers are roving Mars, whole faces are being transplanted and people are reading books again. Every day a tech wizard is coming up with a new gadget meant to make our life better and more convenient. For instance, has your wallet been feeling a little too heavy lately? Well, these may solve that problem in the not too distant future.
Pizza Vending Machine
If you’re not rich enough to have your own pizza chef (ha, poor people), good news! There will soon be pizza vending machines that use fresh ingredients to make a pie while you wait without the tedium of human contact. Don’t like waiting those two minutes and miraculously don’t have you’re your smart phone on you? You’re in luck! There’s also a built in TV. This is the best thing to happen to 2am since Taco Bell.
Portable 3D Printers
3D printing is revolutionizing medicine, industry and art as we know it. And now, that tech is becoming portable. This will clearly only lead to not evil things.
Because microwaves were apparently too convenient we will now have self hating food containers that will activate wirelessly. Similar products that use chemical processes already exist but these wireless containers can also pull up nutritional information on a screen as well as cooking recipes. And hey, you can’t interrupt a World of Warcraft campaign to go micro some easy mac. Lives could be lost!
For all of you who think you’re too cool to wear a helmet, Sweden has figured out how to keep all your Fonzi points intact. Spoiler, it goes around your neck. That way you’re safe and you can’t lick your stitches.
I know what I’m getting everyone for Christmas! Yes, this little do-dad is said to not only curb the sound but also the smell of your colonic calliope, your buttock bassoon, your smellex duck-stepping, etc. The future is now!
What are you most excited to get your grubby little hands on? Let me know on twitter @charley_feldman or in the comments below!
For as long as there have been families that have nothing to say to one another yet feel as though they should spend “quality” time together, board games have existed. Board games are the go-to source of entertainment for people who are too poor to afford cable, too lame to have a social life or too dull to carry on a conversation. That being the case, most board games are boring as hell. The ones on this list, though, really take the cake. (More like "bored games," am I right? Cough.)
Unless you're playing speed chess (and who the hell plays speed chess?), it feels like hours pass between moves. Sometimes hours do pass between moves. Hours...of your life...you’ll never get back...
Monopoly’s a classic, sure, but no one (I repeat, no one) ever finishes a game. Which means you just spend a butt-load of time circling a board over and over again for little to no payoff. The only people who can be fooled into thinking Monopoly money is real money are children – and we all know children don’t own anything cool, so there’s no point in buying stuff from ‘em with fraudulent dough.
Let's get one thing clear off the bat – my lack of enthusiasm for Risk (the Game of Global Domination) is NOT a by-product of my hatred for dweebs. It's just that it fits the textbook definition of boring. I mean, the damn game takes days to play! Sure, you may have taken over the entire world by the end of it, but was it worth it? You could have been doing something cool like watching TV that whole time!
Scrabble's one of those games that's fun in theory, but in practice turns into a tedious, suicide-inducing ordeal. We all like to think we're hyper-literate super geniuses – in reality, however, we are not. Which is why everyone takes twenty minutes per turn trying to come up with a smartypants word but inevitably ends up putting down "Go."
Any Trivial Pursuit Game From the 80's
You're on vacation with your folks in some busted-ass cabin in the woods. You're bored as hell; you start poking around the cabin looking for something to do. You find an ancient copy of Trivial Pursuit. You start playing; all the questions are about Russia. You circle the board in vain. You will never get all the pies.
If you're a grown-ass person playing Candy Land, it's never by choice. The only reason you're playing is because some snot-nosed kid in your life wants to play it. After all, it's the only game they can actually win because it requires absolutely no skill. Which means they're gonna want to play it over...and over...and over...
The game itself isn't boring – it's over much too quickly to be boring. What is boring, however, is waiting fifteen minutes to watch someone set up the board, precariously place a bunch of balls and plastic tchotchkes on it, accidentally knock the whole thing over and start again, etc. etc.
Kolejka was made to be boring – and boring it is. The Polish game’s point is to teach kids how tedious and awful Communism was; the game’s play mostly involves waiting in lines. Man, those Polish sure know how to party!
What other board games make you want to break down in tears? Let me know in the comments!
The worst things about the iPod are, in order, the fact that it's not an iPhone, and everything on this list:
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
Tighter pants next time
Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML
What is this, an O. Henry story?
Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML
Who is looking out for the children?
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Dads understand the internet better than anyone
Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose
Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML
Well kid, it's been fun, but now you have to go forever
Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML
You're not good at shuffling
Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML
For more, check out FMyLife.com!
So, here's a weird thing Japan's been into for a little while: Girls with protruding K-9 teeth, sometimes refered to as a "snaggletooth". It's been popping up in anime and mangas for the past few years to make female characters seem more quirky and adorable.
I know I'm really only into girls who are in
the process of transforming into a feral animal.
But as of late, the fang-tooth fad, also known as "yaeba", has crossed over into real life, as girls in Japan with perfectly straight teeth are getting fake yaiba caps installed!
When I googled "yaeba" to find this image Google asked if
I meant "Kirsten Dunst teeth", which was mean of them.
I don't get it. What's attractive about making girls look like tigers? Japan, are you into tigers? Because I think tigers are scary, not hot.
"DO YOU LIKE ME? CHECK YES OR NO."
I always think about these kinds of trends in terms of America vs. Japan—would we, the tough, smart, brave citizens of the United States ever add put stupid alterations on our teeth that make them look uglier to seem like we're, I don't know, bad at brushing? But of course, I am once again reminded that specific cultures aren't stupid...
...all of HUMANITY is stupid.
Do you find this quote unquote "yaeba" business cute? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out 5 Weirdest Japanese Soft Drinks!
I'm not a professional burglar but, I'm thinking perhaps a little recon mission is in order, before one attempts to burglarize a house? Yes? 56-year-old transient Jonathan Kirby learned that the hard way when he broke into a Sherman Oaks mansion this week and was confronted by the seriously muscle-y owner of the house, actor/rapper LL Cool J. That's when some sh*t when DOWN! Let's just say that the ladies may love Cool James, but the home invaders threatening his home and family most certainly do not.
Even though Kirby had triggered the alarm and the police were on the way, LL decided to give the burglar the mother of all knuckle sandwiches, AKA beating the living crap out of the guy. Hey, I don't think we have to repeat what LL's mama always told him and good boys always listen to their mamas.
The robber was taken to the hospital. His injuries include a broken nose, a broken jaw and broken ribs. DAYUM! Lesson? Do not mess with a guy who can even plausibly PLAY a Navy SEAL on TV! The best part is that Kirby was a legit threat to the neighborhood and is believed to be responsible for a slew of recent robberies. So LL is all kinds of hero.
And in other good news, Kirby's homeless days may be over!! Okay, it's not really great news. Kirby has prior convictions, including burglary, auto theft and voluntary manslaughter (Wait...WHA??), so he will be charged as a three strikes offender. Which basically means if he's convicted of attempting to rob LL, he'll be put behind bars possibly for the rest of his life. Which honestly, might be best for everyone. I mean IDK actually, it's a tough call between being imprisoned and homeless for me. LL will not be charged. So, YAY!
What do you think? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Another school year is upon us, and many of you are dragging your feet back into high school. Chin up, I say! High school gets a bad rep (you’ve been watching John Hughes movies, haven’t you?), but you know the saying, “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone?” It doesn’t just apply to the existence of good teen movies. Some parts of high school are way better than college. For starters:
Your Parents Cook You Dinner
Or if your parents don’t cook, they’re at least leaving their leftover takeout in the fridge. Point is, something will be there when you arrive home from school/sports/rehearsal exhausted and ready to eat a human. There are far fewer acts of cannibalism in high school than in college.
Discernible Social Hierarchy
According to Miley, it’s all about “The Climb.” You should listen to her because she managed to snag Liam Hemsworth, a social climbing feat of the highest order. If popularity is important to you (jeah!), high school cliques are easily distinguishable, so you know who you need to be focusing your energy on. College is more of a clusterf$^% of Facebook friend acquisition; you’ll be stumbling from frat party to a cappella group jam until you learn who’s worth it and who’s nice-but-not. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Two words: free period. If you’re lucky enough to have a built in block of time in which to stalk, dawdle, and flirt, chances are you’ll be able to figure out where your love interest/victim prefers to hang (the smaller cafeteria, by the window facing the East Lot). This is so much easier than what you’ll be going through in college, when he/she will have the option of returning to his/her domicile and shutting the door. Nothing more frustrating than being relegated to Twitter, Foursquare, Instagram, and Facebook check-ins to be able to track where they are, amirite?
Once your dorm is set up, there are just not as many opportunities to patronize The Container Store in college. If The Container Store is your happy place (as it is mine), this presents a MAJOR drawback. A high school locker is the best kind of logic puzzle: how can you efficiently utilize a tiny amount of space to the greatest aesthetic effect possible, so that everyone walking by will be jealous of your mirror-that-is-also-a-magnet holding up your schedule? You’ll also have the honor of employing those removable shelves that can hold up a bunch of heavy hardcovers - the daily reminder of how far we’ve come as a human race.
Presence Of Children
You’re going to go four years without seeing a child. College towns only contain people your age, grad students a little bit older than you, and old people who teach everyone. I encourage you to run out and eat a baby while you still can.
I don’t really care if Bosco Sticks were a universal. This garlicky goodness was the highlight of my high school experience, and when I went to college, the dining halls didn’t serve them and didn’t want to serve them. If I could eat a Bosco Stick every day for the rest of my life… I would have a very short life. Forget the babies, EAT ALL THE BOSCO STICKS!
High school kids – what do you anticipate missing when you go to college? College-and-beyond kids – were these things true for you? What would you add? Let us know in the comments!
I'll be honest with you, The Dark Knight trilogy means a lot to me. So much so, in fact, that when I ordered the book "The Art and Making of the Dark Knight Trilogy" I signed up for Amazon Prime just so I get get free two day shipping. I could have just ordered two day shipping for that specific order! That doesn't even make economic sense. But there are some moments in the films' plots that even as passionate of a fan as myself has to question. And now I will describe those moments!
Pretending Not-Ra's al Ghul was Ra's al Ghul didn't help Ra's al Ghul's plan in any way
When Liam Neeson Ra's al Ghul revealed himself to be Ra's al Ghul and not Henri Ducard, Bruce Wayne basically shrugs and the movie continued as it would have had there not been a fake Ra's al Ghul. It's like announcing your birthday party is now a surprise party 45 minutes after your birthday partiy has started.
Where does The Joker go after he throws Rachel out the window?
This one is quite literally a hole in the plot. The Joker comes to Bruce's fundraiser looking for Harvey Dent, and when he doesn't find him, he throws Rachel out the window and leaves? Listen, The Joker seemed pretty determined in literally every other scene in the film. So why did he just give up this time? Was he double parked?
While we're at it, The Joker's entire plan
Was shooting a bazooka at Harvey Dent just a bluff? Did he know Jim Gordon was faking his death? Because if Gordon was the one who caught him, and he wanted to get caught, does that mean he didn't really want to kill the Mayor? Why did The Joker even want Lau? I get it, The Joker is chaos incarnate, he sort of just does things. But for that whole sequence of events, from trying to shoot the mayor to capturing Harvey Dent and Rachel, no decisions The Joker make are not nonsense. The only way anything The Joker does in the second half of this movie makes sense is if he literally read the film's script.
So, did Bane let Bruce keep his leg brace in the Pit?
I mean, I'm ready to buy this "fix a broken back with a stiff punch" business. But there was a doctor who told Bruce Wayne that he straight up had NO cartilage in his knee. So either Bane took away his Batman costume but left him with a leg brace or Bruce trained himself to regrow parts of his body that were gone thereby making himself a lizard.
How did Bruce get back in to Gotham?
After he climbs out of The Pit, Bruce Wayne just shows up back in Gotham and runs into his pal Catwoman. But how did he get there? Even forgetting the fact that Bane has the city under quarantine and is threatening to destroy the city if he even sees any airplanes in Gotham airspace, Bruce Wayne is broke at this point in the film. Did he find a standby ticket for a discounted rate into an occupied warzone unable to be breached by even the federal government?
Why does Batman trust Catwoman? Like, at all?
And speaking of Bruce coming back to Gotham, the first person he runs into is Catwoman. And he asks for her help, even though the last time he saw her she turned him over to the League of Shadows. You know who would never give someone a second chance to turn him over to the League of Shadows? Batman. The answer to that is Batman.
Why does the Joker say "Gamble here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma"? AND WHY DOES GAMBLE GET SO MAD? WHO THE F*CK IS GAMBLE? AND WHY DOES THE JOKER KNOW ABOUT HIS GRANDMA? DID I DREAM THIS SCENE? WAS THIS SCENE DIRECTED BY SALVADOR GODDAMN DALI?
Which Dark Knight plot hole most sticks in your craw? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Some of the best moments on TV or in the movies is when a character you like finally hooks up with their crush after sometimes years of being stuck in the friend zone. I can't be the only one who has screamed 'KISS!!!' at a screen in my lifetime...right? Here's a looksie at 7 fictional characters who somehow managed to escape the friend zone. May it give hope to all of you dorks still letting the girls you love use you as a friend with absolutely no benefits.
Oh yeah...SPOILER ALERT!
I kind of always thought Harry would hook up with Hermione, but obviously JK Rowling knows better than me, because I love Hermione and Ron together! Harry can have his boring life with boring Ginny Weasley and their three offspring. I personally blame her for the horrible sounding name given to their middle child (ALBUS SEVERUS!?!) I would totally watch a spin-off series focused on Ron and Hermione, as long as it focused on Ron's stupidity and Hermione's priceless eyerolls. I don't know how much Weasley sexy time I can handle. Especially if he calls his penis Weasley Junior.
Everyone always focuses on Ross and Rachel, but I think they had as many haters as they did supporters. (TEAM JOEY 4eva!!! JK) But I'm pretty sure everyone was down with Chandler and Monica finally hooking up. I mean not only does Chandler give hope to guys in the friend zone, he give hope to dorky guys everywhere who have the misfortune of competing for a girl with an uber-hunk like Tom Selleck. That's like winning 7 consecutive Tour de France titles and never having them taken away. Sorry Lance, baby! I still believe!
Ron Stoppable--Kim Possible
When I found this photo of Ron and Kim kissing (!!!!!!) it had the caption 'The best moment of everyone's childhood'. Pretty much sums it up...amirite? I mean seriously, Kim, what were you waiting for? Dude invented the Naco, sounds like any sane girl's dream guy!
OMG the back and forth with these two! All the various flings, the baby momma, the fling Elliot had with J.D.'s brother!?! I mean it must be true love if knowing that a girl is your brother's sloppy seconds, STILL isn't an instant boner killer.
Poor Peeta! There's only one thing worse than being in the friend zone and that's being in the friend zone but having the world think that you're actually no longer in the friend zone and that you and your crush are madly in love. Luckily for Peeta, fake for the sake of survival love, turned into the real thing. Gale is totes friend zone for life. I'm pretty sure that fancy job he got in District 2 won't help take away the pain. It also won't spoon with him at night.
Did anyone ever think that pretty goth girl, Tawny, would ever fall for the kind of annoying and crude Louis Stevens? I know right? That's one lucky boy! On a side note...am I the only one weirded out by watching Shia Labeouf in movies as an adult? I don't know about you, but I'm not quite prepared to see the guy who played Louis Stevens in a film called Nymphomaniac. That just doesn't sit right with my childhood.
Seriously? For every guy stuck in the friend zone, Jim Halpert is your God. Luckily it worked out for Jim, because he was so dang nice and respectful about not interfering with Pam and Roy's relationship. It would've sucked if they never got together, like Steve Carell leaving the show kind of suck.
Who did I forget? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Ohhhhhhh, I hate when my cat does this! WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT, KITTY?? It's giving me a bad case of the heebie jeebies! Give us a funny caption that explains this mysterious picture and if we unscientifically pick yours as the best, you could win a FREE Smosh t-shirt. They're comfy!
If two people come up with the same caption, the first one to comment will be the winner. We will announce the winner Monday and suggestions received after 12:01 AM PST on 8/27/12 will not be considered. Good luck!
Remember the Furby? The cute little fluffy toy that could talk and move its eyes and respond to you when you played with it? I had one, but I never understood why they became the phenomenon they did. Maybe it was because some of them kind of looked like wizards?
Eh. Kind of.
Well, Hasboro Toys is bringing them back, and instead of the big, bright eyes they had previously, new Furbies will have electronic LED eyes.
The only thing we're better at than robots is fallibility.
It feels liek a strange choice, since the main appeal of the Furby was that human beings found themselves connecting to the creatures despite their best efforts not to. The time I turned a Furby upside down and made him cry is my saddest memory. Even sadder than the time I put my aunt's cat in the microwave.
I don't know how else you want me to say it Mr. Whiskers! I'm SORRY.
But I strongly suspect that, like the Bugs Bunnys and Toms from Tom and Jerry before them, that we only really connected to Furbies because of their big, adorable eyes. Human beings tend to connect with each other trhough the eyes, and so we grow emotionally attached to representations of eyes that are clear and expressive. If we look into the eyes of something we love and see a robot? Why, that's our greatest fear!
Of course, it is possible to over-correct.
Are you going to get one of these new Furbies? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out 9 Fads that Really Didn't Survive the 90s!
You can be anyone you want to be. That's what is so great about being a person. A new school year is upon us and it's time for a makeover. You don't seriously want to be you again this year, do you? Here are Ways To Change Your Image For The New School Year.
This is probably the easiest one on the list. Get some old t-shirts and a marker and make your own band shirts. Just make sure you make shirts of some cool old bands. No one is going to take you seriously with a homemade One Direction shirt.
You spent a summer traveling the world. It's time to brag about it. The sad truth is that traveling means staying with your grandma and the world means sitting on her couch watching black and white musicals. People will believe anything that's said by someone wearing a top hat and monocle. No one needs to the truth.
Get some silver make-up from your local costume shop and go to town. This is going to make your morning ritual about an hour longer every day, but it's worth it because you get a lot of extra benefits as a Robo-American. Free use of electrical outlets, all of the nuts and bolts you can eat, and you get to use your fancy calculator on all math tests since it will now be glued to your hand. Yo dude, you really get my sparks going when I see your chassis. No robo.
Everyone knows that fashion is cyclical. Things go out of style and then come back in full force about twenty year later. Take a cue from Kriss Kross and start wearing all of your clothes backwards. Sure, it may be hard to go to the bathroom, but it will be worth it when you're the most popular kid in school.
This new image is mainly a bully defense. When you're about to get in to a scuffle, throw a Pokeball on the ground and run away. Sure, no Pokemon is going to come out, but it will confuse the bully for just long enough so you can get away. It could backfire though, and make you the target of more bullying. Oh, well. There's always college.
Anyone can get a beret and a fake mustache and try to pretend to be French. There's two key things that you need to do to really sell this new look. The first is stop showering. I've been to France. They are a ripe people. The second is eat snails every day at school. No one will try to prove that you aren't really French. In fact, no one will talk to you at all. That's mostly because you smell so bad and won't stop grossing everyone out by eating snails.
King Of Nintendo
You are the King Of Nintendo. No mere peasant should be able to tell you what to do. Who dares to say that you can't wear your Power Glove all day at school?!?! They may be giving you a hard time, but they'll all come crawling back when your school gets overrun by Koopa Kids. YOU WILL BE THEIR SAVIOR!
Here's a thought. Why not just try to act like a normal person for once? Maybe you're not popular because you keep coming to school in ridiculous costumes. Be nice to people and maybe they'll be nice back.
How do you want to change your image for the new school year? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
There are very few fun things to look forward to when going back to school. I mean, obviously, recess. Lunch is fine. And I guess English if you're some sort of nerd. But one fun part of going back to school is using all those sweet supplies you picked up. And here are the funnest school supplies to use!
You want to write your name on the bathroom wall that is the internet
This is the same reason anyone has ever written poetry—sometimes you do something that has absolutely NO value to the world writ large just so it knows you exist.
You've learned the secret of the first comment
Whoever writes the most "FIRST!!" comments on internet articles by the time the clock strikes twelve on Ocober 13, 2012 will receive three wishes. You can't wish anyone back from the dead though. So that's sort of a bummer.
Your parents raised you to be competetive
Just the fact that someone else wants to get the first comment means you cannot let them get first comment. Do you think your parents raised you to be number 2? Absolutely not! If they wanted you to accept being second at anything, they wouldn't have forced you to do battle with your older sister on the roof of that castle and right now you'd be living at your aunt and uncle's house.
You're accidentally running Google Chrome's "FIRST!!" extention
Man Google Chrome extensions don't even make sense anymore.
You're making fun of those idiots who actually care about being first
Mm, irony. Is that gonna be your defense? Really? Because there is truth in every joke. So go ahead and tell everyone that's your reason for postin "FIRST!!", but don't expect us to believe it. We saw through it when uou started wearing skinny jeans because you thought they fit better. We saw through it when you started listening to Fleet Foxes like a day after everyone else started listening to Fleet Foxes. We see through your game, hipster, and we know you're only being dishonest with yourself.
No one has noticed you—really, really noticed you, in over two years
Not your teachers. Not your friends. Certainly not Tony Phillips, captain of the football team. But now that you've made the first comment on "Top Ten Reasons Justin Bieber is Still Dumb", they'll have to take notice, won't they? LET'S SEE THEM IGNORE YOU NOW.
Why do you try so hard to be "FIRST!!"? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
If you've ever watched a teen on television and thought to yourself, "That doesn't look like anyone that goes to my school." you're on to something. Because most teens on TV are actually played by older actors. Some of them are played by really, really older actors. Here's a look at some of the most geriatric adults to play TV teens EVER! Ok, they're not quite geriatric. BUT STILL!
Minka was actually 26 when she started playing 16-year-old high school cheerleader, Lyla Garrity, on Friday Night Lights. So yeah....she's legal. Fortunately this makes a lot of wannabe pedos no longer pedos. Not that they ever stood a chance and it is still creepy to want to be a pedo. Maybe Minka's next acting gig can be as the girl who traps pervs on To Catch A Predator? Is that show still on? I miss it so!
Cory just turned 30. Which makes him 3 years younger than the dork who plays Mr. Shue. Normally it would be creepy that some old dude is trolling the halls of a high school looking to hook up with chicks. But the truth is, everyone on Glee is actually an adult. Which makes their dopey singing and dancing all the more embarrassing.
Charisma was already 27 when she made her debut as high school mean girl, Cordelia Chase, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Which makes it even more disgusting that she slept with a teenaged Connor on Angel. I still haven't recovered from this relationship. I don't care if she was possessed.
Okay, technically he's like 160-something years old, but he turned vamp at age 17 so he's a teen, yo! But IRL dude is 30! This is why no high school guy you've ever seen will be as hot as this grown ass dude. I feel the need to clarify, that I am totally Team Damon btw. When does this show come back on? I need me some sexy Damon eyebrow acting NOW!
This Pretty Little Liars star has been playing teenagers since 1994!?! You know back when she was actually a teen. She is now 33-years-old (!?), and even though she looks good, I'm sure it's kind of sad to always have to play a teenager. Nah....JK. We need to all hate this chick for hoarding her secret fountain of youth. SHARE YOUR SECRETS, BIANCA!
Ben was 25 when he started his run as teenage delinquent, Ryan Atwood, on the OC. But what I really wanna know is when he's going to start his run as my real life boyfriend? The only action I've gotten lately, is some Oliver Trask type dude sending me a DM on Twitter that said "UR HOT" and then sending me a picture of a cute bunny. All of which would have been super-exciting coming from Ben McKenzie. Oliver Trask type dude? Not so much.
Keiko was 27 when she started playing 16-year-old Lane Kim on Gilmore Girls. Which makes me feel less guilty saying that I thought her band, Hep Alien, sucked. And I think she's dumb for ever letting Dave go. Hello? He was played by Adam Brody! Who played Seth Cohen, the third hottest dude on the OC. After Ryan Atwood and Sandy Cohen of course. What can I say? I've got a thing for bushy eyebrows.
The dude in this pic, was like at least 29 when it was taken. That's almost as sad as still Kickin' It as a Disney Channel star at the age of 35. I mean come on! At least branch out to ABC Family or something!
Which one are you most surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
This past weekend we asked you to come up with a funny caption for this freaky cat. After thousands of entries, we've unscientifically picked a winner!
So congrats to tyler.schmid.1, for coming up with the caption for this picture!
Thanks for all you funny submissions! Look for another contest later in the week!