- RSS Channel Showcase 5507383
- RSS Channel Showcase 5956372
- RSS Channel Showcase 2753159
- RSS Channel Showcase 4806118
Articles on this Page
- 08/13/12--10:13: _10 Things You Proba...
- 08/13/12--11:29: _Teen Wins $50,000.....
- 08/13/12--14:23: _8 Most Inappropriat...
- 08/13/12--14:51: _What The Crying Gir...
- 08/13/12--16:28: _8 Disney Girls Who ...
- 08/13/12--20:41: _Caption The Photo, ...
- 08/14/12--11:09: _Is SpongeBob Too Vi...
- 08/14/12--12:46: _6 Olympic Events Th...
- 08/14/12--14:56: _9 Incredibly Inappr...
- 08/14/12--16:55: _5 Reasons Why Celeb...
- 08/15/12--11:24: _Former Baywatch Bab...
- 08/15/12--12:53: _The Chicken's Guide...
- 08/15/12--13:31: _Inevitable Reality ...
- 08/15/12--16:57: _A Review of the Wiz...
- 08/16/12--12:16: _The Dictionary Adds...
- 08/16/12--18:54: _5 Technologies in t...
- 08/16/12--19:53: _The Very Best of FM...
- 08/16/12--20:36: _Japanese Bottle Lau...
- 08/17/12--11:10: _Scooby Doo WWE Mash...
- 08/17/12--13:47: _Comic Book Movies T...
- 08/13/12--10:13: 10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'The Hunger Games'
- 08/13/12--11:29: Teen Wins $50,000... For TEXTING
- 08/13/12--14:23: 8 Most Inappropriate Kidz Bop Covers
- 08/13/12--14:51: What The Crying Girl At The Party Is Crying About
- 08/13/12--16:28: 8 Disney Girls Who Have Changed The Most
- 08/13/12--20:41: Caption The Photo, Win A Shirt WINNER!
- 08/14/12--11:09: Is SpongeBob Too Violent for Kids to Watch Before Bed?
- 08/14/12--12:46: 6 Olympic Events The Average American Could Excel At
- 08/14/12--14:56: 9 Incredibly Inappropriate Kids' Products
- 08/14/12--16:55: 5 Reasons Why Celebrity Love Is Dead
- 08/15/12--11:24: Former Baywatch Babe Falls Off a Mountain Looking for Noah's Ark
- 08/15/12--12:53: The Chicken's Guide to Waterparks
- 08/15/12--13:31: Inevitable Reality TV Shows
- 08/15/12--16:57: A Review of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!
- 08/16/12--18:54: 5 Technologies in the Hunger Games That I Wish Were Real
- 08/16/12--19:53: The Very Best of FML: GPS Edition!
- 08/16/12--20:36: Japanese Bottle Launcher is FAR Too Powerful, Realistic
- 08/17/12--11:10: Scooby Doo WWE Mashup Movie Coming!?!
- 08/17/12--13:47: Comic Book Movies That Need A Reboot
If you liked “The Hunger Games” (and you probably liked “The Hunger Games), you are in luck, since the Blu-ray and DVD comes out August 18th. I’m sure you’ll watch it like 11 zillion times waiting for “Catching Fire” to come out at the end of next year, but did you know ALL The Hunger Games’ secrets? Here’s 10 things you probably didn’t know about “The Hunger Games.”
Suzanne Collins wrote for the Nickelodeon show “Clarissa Explains It All”
Before imagining a Panem world, Suzanne Collins wrote for the iconic 90’s Nickelodeon show, “Clarissa Explains It All.” Collins later wrote for “The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo,” “Generation O!”, and most recently, “Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!” on Nick Jr., all shows where NO ONE is controlled by the government to kill or be killed in an arena.
Seneca Crane’s beard took three hours of maintenance every day
According to actor Wes Bentley, the beard was 100% real, and a special designer worked on it three hours every morning. The beard has a Facebook page with over 27,000 fans. Strangely, Wes Bentley’s fan page has 5000 fans.
Josh Hutcherson voiced a character in the English version of “Howl’s Moving Castle”
Hutcherson was just a tween when he was cast as the voice of Markl in the English version of legendary Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki’s animated “Howl’s Moving Castle.”
Suzanne Collins was channel surfing when she had the idea for “The Hunger Games”
Collins was switching between reality TV programming and war footage, and then quote “I was tired, and the lines began to blur in an unsettling way.” She was further inspired by the Greek myth of Theseus, where 14 young people are sent to face the minotaur in a labyrinth.
Haymitch actor Woody Harrelson is a strict vegan
In scenes in where Haymitch was eating, he only is shown eating vegetables or dessert.
Jennifer Lawrence gave Josh Hutcherson a concussion
The two actors were just horsing around on set, when one of Lawrence’s kicks accidentally connected with Hutcherson’s temple, knocking him out cold. This goes to show you, don’t get kicked in the head by Jennifer Lawrence. (This is the life-advice part of this blog.)
Jennifer Lawrence and Paula Malcomson have played mother and daughter before
In a 2003 episode of “Cold Case,” Paula Malcomson played the single mother struggling to take care of her daughter, played by Jennifer Lawrence. Also, they were supposed to be homeless, so they were probably HUNGRY too. Coincidence?
Liam Hemsworth and Jennifer Lawrence are both natural blondes, but had to dye their hair brown for The Hunger Games. Josh Hutcherson, a natural brunette, had to dye his blonde. According to legend, this means he has more fun now.
The Effie Trinket costume was so intense, Elizabeth Banks couldn’t even go to the bathroom by herself.
The bejeweled nails Elizabeth Banks wore as Effie Trinket took 45 minutes every morning to apply, and were so huge she couldn’t undo buttons or zippers while in her Effie costume. She had help with many everyday tasks, even getting out of her clothes to go to the bathroom.
Katniss is a real plant, not just a made-up name.
Katniss isn’t just a cute name for a literary hero, it’s also the real world name for a kind of aquatic plant in the Sagittaria genus. Guess what Sagittaria means in Latin? “Belonging to an arrow.” Yep, I just blew your mind.
Hunger Games Sweepstakes clue: What is the name of the Hunger Games character who famously shouts “That is mahogany?” Enter your answer in the Smosh box on the Hunger Games Sweepstakes page for an additional entry!
Well, it looks like for the second year in a row, Austin Wierschke, has taken home the big prize at the LG U.S. National Texting Competition. I know what you're thinking...THERE'S A FRIGGIN' TEXTING COMPETITION!?!?! Yup. And you can win big money. With the added bonus of saying to your parents "SEE?? I told you it wasn't a waste of my time!"
So what is the secret to Austin's success? He claims to have "abnormally fast thumbs". Fellow competitor Kelly Barracato verified this fact, saying that she noticed during the press tour that "his thumbs were flying." That's called science, folks. The competition tested three skills--speed, accuracy and dexterity. Challenges included a text speak quiz, texting backwards and texting blind-folded. I think they should have a 'macking on a girl while texting and getting away with it' test. Now that would be a BOSS challenge!
In preparation for the competition Austin says he sends approximately 500 texts a day. I guess that explains why he can text 149 characters in 39 seconds with no spelling or punctuation errors, a practically Olympian feat! But much less admirable. I think Austin has a career in texting! Is there such a thing? Maybe some Tony Robbins-like motivational speaking thing? Actually I'd rather get this guy's texting advice:
So yay Austin! You won 50 grand and that is for sure a text win. But since I'm not getting any of that money, I have to say I still prefer text fails. They're funny.
What do you think? Could you win? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Kidz Bop is all about taking popular songs and making them more kid friendly by having a chorus of children sing them. A lot of times, they end up covering some wildly inappropriate songs. Here are the Most Inappropriate Kidz Bop Songs.
Kidz Bop Sings Rihanna
When has anything involing Rihanna ever been appropriate for children? I don't think it's even appropriate for me and I'm technically an adult!
Float On - Modest Mouse
This song is obviously about getting high and causing trouble. The first verse talks about driving in to a cop car. The second verse is about getting ripped off by a fake Jamaican. Kids shouldn't be learning about this stuff from songs. They should be learning about this stuff from their dead beat Uncle like I did.
Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen
I'm eleven, and this is crazy, but you're like 50, so call me maybe?
Come On Over – Christina Aguilera
This is a booty call song. Straight up. She's not asking you to come over and hang out with her grandma while you watch Walker: Texas Ranger reruns. When she came on the music scene, X-Tina was supposed to be the skeezier Britney Spears. The only person that was able to out skeez her was Britney Spears.
Single Ladies – Beyonce
What little kid should be worried about not having a ring on it? This song would only be appropriate for kids if we had a time machine to transport it back to when the Dark Ages when it was totally cool and not at all creepy for little kids to get married.
In The End - Linkin Park
Linkin Park is a gateway drug to other terrible music. First this, then P.O.D., then before you know it, your kid is a full fledged Juggalo.
Born This Way – Lady Gaga
This song isn't inappropriate because it teaches kids to accept homosexuals. I'm fine with that. This song is inappropriate because it teaches kids that it's totally cool to rip off other people's work and then try to act like the original creator is a nutjob. This is so close to Madonna's Express Yourself that it makes me suspicious that they might be the same person. Plastic surgery has gotten really good these days.
Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer
I don't know about you, but I don't think an 8 year old should be begging anyone to kiss them.
What are some inappropriate songs that you want to hear covered by Kidz Bop? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
A few hours into the party, she appears on the couch as if by magic – mascara streaked down her cheeks, her entourage trying to subdue her quiet heaves. You’re not sure when or how it began, only that there is, once more, a crying girl at the party. Why? You ask. Why does the Crying Girl cry? Don’t ask her; you’ll only be told to “GO AWAY” from her protective bff. It’s best to hear it from us. Here’s what she’s crying about:
Someone Who’s Not There…Because He’s Not There
She just doesn’t get it. Why would he say he was thinking about coming and then not show up? Why would he even bother to get her hopes up, if he really had no intention of driving across town after dinner with his parents? She just wants him to be honest with her. She really can’t take him playing with her emotions like this.
People Not Caring That She’s Crying
She feels like she now knows who her true friends are, and they’re not at this party. And even those people who have approached her are really just doing it so she’ll stop ruining everyone else’s good time. She bets that if she stopped texting people for a week, no one would ask her for plans. Maybe she’ll do that as a test...
Someone Else Likes The Guy That She Likes
Seriously, Amy knew she liked Kevin. But Amy doesn’t really care about her feelings, and Amy has now told a bunch of people that Amy has a crush on Kevin, so Kevin has been claimed for the foreseeable future. Crying Girl has to give up or look like a huge bitch. This always happens to Crying Girl.
She did not get cast in the school’s production of Waiting For Godot, and she’s wondering what the point is, anyway. We’re all going to die eventually; these activities and parties are just a distraction from the meaninglessness of it all. She wants to go home, where she’s not beholden to any fleeting relationships.
Because She Ate Three Slices Of Pizza
She really intended to stop after two. Now she is full, sick to her stomach, bloated, and angry with herself for being so weak. She does this mindless overeating when she gets nervous around new people, and now these new people think she’s a pig. How will she ever lose the 10 lbs if she can’t even resist crappy thin-crust?
Unlikely, but I’m saying it’s possible. Look - it doesn’t even have to be someone she knew very well. Just someone she heard about, and she wanted an excuse to cry/be associated with drama. It’s valid.
Why else do you think the Crying Girl is crying? Let us know in the comments!
Since there is apparently NOTHING else going on in the world at the moment, one of the day's biggest news stories is the fact that Miley Cyrus cut her hair. I know right? The media has been this excited about Miley since she wolfed down her fiance's birthday penis cake. Sweet girl, that Miley. It got me thinking, I kid you not it really did, about former Disney stars. Specifically, which former Disney darlings have changed the most. Here's a look at 8 of them.
Miley would make the cut for any list of former child stars who have most changed from their innocent child star heydays. She likes to smoke ahem, salvia, dresses all kinds of redneck skank and as previously mentioned, likes to take provocative pics of penis cake in her mouth. She's come a long way from the child star who famously posed all incesty-like with her pops. Oh wait...nevermind. Well, she looked really innocent anyway.
Fergie was one of the stars of early Disney Channel hit, Kids Incorporated, a show about a kid rock band named you guessed it, Kids Incorporated. Yep, it was as lame as it sounds. Now she's the star singer of an even lamer band, The Black Eyed Peas. At least her hair has definitely improved. But I'm guessing she still wets her bed. No reason.
Vanessa guest-starred on a bunch of Disney Channel shows, but it was her turn as Gabriella Marquez in High School Musical that made her a star. As an adult, Vanessa joined the 'exclusive' club of female celebrities that 'accidentally' had nude cell phone pics leaked. I'm sure she was 'devastated' by all the publicity it brought her. I think I've made my sarcastic quotation marks point.
Oh Britney! Now she can sing the lyrics 'I'm not that innocent!' and really mean it. Let this be a warning to you ladies...this is what happens when you hook-up with Kevin Federline. Hey, apparently, there are still women out there still dumb enough to go there!! And he has the illegitimate kids to prove it.
Holy friggin' nerd! Actually I love when little girls look like awkward little girls. I don't like little girls who dress sexier than me, which admittedly isn't that hard to do. BUT STILL! Demi has been through some hard times lately and I'm really pulling for her to make it. She is currently a judge on the second season of the X Factor...with Britney Spears. STAY AWAY, DEMI!!
I ain't gonna lie, I much prefer NASTY Xtina to Britney wannabe Christina. Wear your skank on your sleeve, girl! Or on your see-through lace body suit. Whatevs!
It must be hard to always play second fiddle to pretty girl Vanessa Hudgens. It must be even harder to get a nose job to change that and then realize that you still have to play second fiddle to pretty girls like Vanessa Hudgens. Lesson: BE YOURSELF!! You were 'cute and funny girl', ain't nothing wrong with that!! My mommy told me so.
I think the picture says it all, AMIRITE? And all the endless tabloid stories, rehab and jail visits, the fact that she's a perennial celebrity death pool favorite etc...that says a lot too. Sometimes I dream that she Freaky Friday-ed with some skank and one day we'll get our old Mean Girls era Lindsay back. Heck at this point I'd settle for Herbie: Fully Loaded era Lindsay! Anything's better than Lindsay: Just Fully Loaded.
Who do you think has changed the most? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
This past weekend we asked you to come up with a funny caption for this athlete. After thousands of entries, we've unscientifically picked a winner! Sorry for the zillion people who made "hanging out" jokes, but we had to go with the first one that we giggled at!
So congrats to Brandytwin, for coming up with the caption for this picture!
Thanks for all you funny submissions! Look for another contest later in the week!
Every day we hear aboout a new study being released that tells us how awful everything great in the world is. "A recent study provides a link between Nintendo Wii and plummeting IQs", "A new survey shows gummi bears can cause brain aneyerisms", "Studies indicate that ice cream makes adults lose their ability to empathizse with their fellow humans."
You soon-to-be cold-hearted b*stard.
And now, worst of all, we're hearing about a survey showing that violent TV shows keep children awake! Okay, so that one sort of makes sense, but one of the shows listed as violent? SpongeBob Square Pants.
GET THIS TRASH OFF MY TV.
The specifics of the survey read as such: Kids between 3 and 5 years old were split into two groups, one shown "age appropriate" shows like Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer, while the other was shown shows like Scooby Doo and SpongeBob. The ones who were shown the baby shows were less liely to have trouble falling asleep.
Wait, so kids are less likely to fall asleep watching shows they LIKE?
Listen, the only way you could call SpongeBob Square Pants too violent for anyone is if you've never watched a single SpongeBob Square Pants ever before even once in your life. That show is literally about the softest creature in existence having fun with a star. That doesn't sound like a violent cartoon, it sounds like a goddamn Lisa Frank folder.
I'm gonna have to spend an hour reading a biography on Lyndon Johnson to keep my brain from bleeding with cuteness. (source)
Do you think babies should watch SpongeBob? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Best of the 'Inappropriate Timing Spongebob' Meme!
Well, another summer Olympics has come and gone, and what a rousing success it was! I mean, unless you were stuck watching it on NBC, then it was quite the rousing tape-delay! But let's face it: A big part of the appeal of the Olympics is that we get to watch humans do things that no human we know can do. And that's a little sad. I'd to know an Olympian. Hell, I'd like to BE an Olympian. That's why I'd like to see the Olympic committee broaden the array of events they allow in competition. Here now, are 7 Olympic events the average American could excel at.
Netflix Movie Selection
You know how it takes a really long time to find something good to watch on Netflix? This event would pit people from countries around the world in a fierce competition to find something decent to sit through. Automatic Disqualification if you pick some crappy piece of Oscar-bait, like "J. Edgar".
Dunk Competition (With A Children’s Basketball Net)
Adults show off their incredible dunking abilities on the basketball nets that belong to their children!
Putting Off Working Out
A singles competition, each competitor's "routine" consists of reasons not to immediately work out. Low points for things like 'not being able to find your keys', high points for creative excuses like "I'm too concerned about the upcoming election to really put my heart into it."
Jumping For Joy
We're an enthusiastic bunch, Americans (nobody chants "USA!" like Americans!) so why not have an event that harnesses that kind of enthusiasm? Maybe make it a team thing, like a bunch of slobs jumping off the couch, celebrating someone doing something they never could. Points lost for spilled popcorn.
100 M Lack Of Understanding of the Metric System
Us: "400 meters, that's 9 miles, right?"
Criticizing NBC’s Coverage
We'd all get a gold medal, and then have to wait for the next day to watch it on NBC.
What dumb stuff could you do competitively? Let us know in the comments!
I’m tellin’ ya, kids these days grow up way too fast. With each passing day, the line between childhood and adulthood continues to blur; before we know it, fetuses will be poll dancing and toddlers will be defecating in thong diapers. That is, if the manufacturers of these super age-inappropriate kids’ products have their way.
Playground Pimpin’ Onesie
Novelty shirts that imply the wearer is a "baller," "pimp" or "boss" aren't cool when your douchebag brother wears them – under no circumstances are they ever cool – but at least they're age appropriate. People who put their kids in shirts like this should have said kids taken away by the state.
Bratz Doll Costumes
Feminists have found fault with Barbie ever since her launch in 1959. Barbie, however, wasn't designed to be a slut – just a babe, and an adult babe at that. Bratz dolls, on the other hand, are far more insidious (and ire producing) representations of big headed, short skirted, glossy lipped teen girls. Bratz Halloween costumes are Pedobear approved (and, as a result, wholly inappropriate).
Faux Beer For Kids
The Japanese cop a lot of flack for being, like, the weirdest country in the world – it’s hard not to give ‘em even more flack, however, when you encounter a product like beer for children. It’s understandable that kids want to be like their parents...this, however, isn’t really the best way for them to emulate their folks (especially if their family has a history of, cough, alcoholism).
Che Guevara PJs
The only things babies understand are eating and crapping – they certainly don't understand the complexities of the actions of Argentinean Marxist revolutionaries. Although, now that I think of it, neither do the grown-ass men and women who usually wear Che Guevara shirts. At least babies have an excuse.
Ed Hardy For Kids
I normally refrain from saying derogatory things about children – they are just kids, after all. That being said, this kid looks like a total dick. I want to punch him in the face. If I got caught, by defense would be, "I thought he was an adult. A terrible adult." No jury in the world would convict me.
Pot Leaf Costume
If D.A.R.E. taught us anything, it's that smoking pot makes people go insane and eat babies. Which makes this outfit doubly disturbing. Once this kid's stoner parents toke on their devil weed, not only will they eat their young but they'll be tempted to smoke the rest of his remains.
Childhood is the only time of your life when you're blissfully free of responsibility. So why the hell would you want your kid to walk around acting like he's a friggin' real estate agent? The kid in this photo looks like he's already balding – I blame cell phone radiation.
As a heterosexual female, I’d be fine if no one wore bikinis – it’s no skin off my ass, after all. I don’t wear ‘em or like lookin’ at ‘em. I’m rational enough to understand, however, that some women like wearing and looking at them. The operative word in that sentence being ‘women.’
Want to teach your child that image is everything and integrity is nothing at an early age? Buy ‘em designer clothes! Just make sure to spank ‘em when they get juice on their $300 t-shirt...otherwise they’ll never learn!
Seen any other horrifically inappropriate kiddie products lately? Let me know in the comments!
I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you all can go about your day after Love died. They said the world would end in 2012 and it did. Not with a whimper, but with a banging of someone you’re not supposed to. If these couples couldn’t make it, then you are all doomed to a life of cats and secretly smelling people’s hair in the elevators at the mall…I may be projecting a little. Here are 5 celebrity reasons why love is dead:
5. Heidi Klum and Seal will no longer rule Halloween.
Nobody does Halloween like that Teutonic temptress of reality television known as Heidi Klum. And now we will no longer be treated to her and (former?) singer Seal’s epic couple’s costumes. Now we know that renewing ones vows every year does not kill the divorce demons. I hear a diet rich in garlic still works pretty well though.
4. Katie Holmes is now free from Tom Cruise
Does a five-year contract with a renewal clause worth millions mean nothing anymore? At least she got the most adorable party favor ever out of Tom Cruise’s crazy party. But it was like that part in the horror film where you really were hoping the chainsaw wielding mad man would get to keep his nubile virgin after all.
3. Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon killed the sweet, sweet music.
It’s been almost a year and I’m still not over it. So much so I’m throwing caution to the wind and throwing them on this list in the vain attempt to make one of you out there google and then listen to Sonic Youth for the next two decades. Get to be fans. Then relive the heartache that was hearing that they broke up. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
2. George Clooney and What’s-Her-Face and Stuff.
Wait for it.
1. Kirsten Stewart and Robert Patinson can now finally share their sparkle parts as freely as they always have been since forever because their relationship was a sham created for the marketing of Twilight and the only scandal is that the director’s children had to be a part of it and one day we will all read about it in an exploitive book on the subject of this early century “phenomenon” and feel had
At least we still have Kim and Kanye. I love those krazy kids.
Which former couple broke you up the most? Let us know in the comments!
Sometimes, when I sit down to write a story for internet website Smosh.com, I come across a headline like Justin Bieber terrorizes grandmother on Twitter that seems really stupid. Then I look into it a bit more and realize that there's a very simple exmplination, like, say, Justin Bieber's Twitter was hacked. So I've learned, when I read these types of headlines, to keep an open mind and give it some time.
Anyhow, Donna D'Errico is searching for Noah's ark.
Keep an open mind. Give it some time.
And then she fell off a mountain.
Okay, so it doesn't get less stupid. Great.
Yes, a search for Noah's ark on Mount Ararat in Turkey has left the former Baywatch babe's face in pretty rough shape. It's never good to see a fellow human being hurt, but why was D'Errico looking for Noah's ark on a mountain? Did Noah not have time to sail away from one of the highest points in the world before the world-cleansing flood had dissipated? And even if he was stuck, couldn't he push it back off the mountain along with a couple of the polar bears and gorillas he saved and, one can assume, befriended?
"The free ride ends TODAY, giraffes."
D'Errico told TMZ that, despite the fall, she will go back to continue her search. It seems like finding the ark is a childhood dream and one she's not willing to abandon. I can kind of see where she's coming from — my childhood dream was to find the Power Rangers control center, and it was hard to give up.
But then I realized my childhood dream,
like every childhood dream, didn't make any sense.
Do you think Donna D'Errico will find Noah's ark? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Do your friends love water parks? Do you pretend you do, even though you value your elbows, and your elbows will almost certainly get scraped on the panels of those claustrophobia-inducing slides? Does the possibility of a steep drop into a watery pit conjure up an increased awareness of your own mortality? If you’ve answered yes to all those questions (and/or are bored on the internet), then we have the guide for you! Here’s how to do a water park… for the chicken who's proud of it.
Hang By The Wave Pool
Hanging at the shallow end of the wave pool is a great way to trick your friends into thinking you’re a badass (or at least a “fun guy”). Since everyone will be floating all over the place, it’ll be hard for them to pinpoint the point at which you arrived in the easy-to-tread zone and/or how long you will remain there. Did you drift from a big Kahuna? Or did you intentionally walk and plant yourself on the solid ground, steadfast in the face of everyone else’s submersion? Nobody needs to know.
Wear Water Shoes
Water shoes are a “do.” Sure, you’ll probably get a blister and some snickers, but your toes will remain intact, protected from the harsh reality of the flume ride carelessly dumping you into a not-deep-enough pool. And while we’re at it: you do NOT know what foot diseases lurk in the kid-friendly waters. Water shoes allow for at least a psychologically appeasing layer between you and the fungi.
Stop At The Inevitable Nearby Fudge Shop
There’s going to be a fudge shop on the way, so make sure your car stops there. At least then you’ll have fudge. See also: Saltwater Taffy Counter.
The Lazy River Is Your Friend
Finally, a ride designed with you in mind! Kill a solid hour on this float-and-sunbathe “ride,” meet some like-minded people, and emerge with new friends and a wet bottom. There, you did have fun at the water park. PRO-TIP: Make sure not to go with a friend who thinks it’s funny to tip people over. It’s not.
Invite A Short Person
The little guy won’t be tall enough to board the scarier rides, and he’ll need a hero to hang back with him. That’s where you and your pocketful of fudge come in. Chin up, buddy, let’s go see the animatronics sing the country music.
Just Do It
You know the phrase, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”? Go on all the horrifying slides right away. You WILL get hurt on one of them. It’s you we’re talking about; it’s bound to happen. And then forevermore, you’ll be able to speak from a place of experience when you say you don’t enjoy those rides. You aren’t scared… you’re just sane.
Any other tips for the scaredy-cats among us? Write them in the comments!
Making television is hard, say the people who who make television. But they're not always wrong! Coming up with new ideas for scripted half-hour comedies and full hour dramas is difficult, because every story has been since about 400 A.D. Thus, the creation of a new kind of television was necessary. A better kind of television, one that strove to tell human stories of real people trying to- HAHAHAHA just joking, they made garbage reality television. This junk you can crank out no problem. In fact, it's so easy to make that here are 7 Reality Shows Waiting To Happen:
Look At This Crappy Kid!
Every week, LATK! follows the mis-adventures of a the kid you love to hate, excluding the part about "love". Tantrums, crying fits, and arrogance that didn't seem possible coming from a five-year old, this show has it all!
Look At This Crappy Parent!
The exact same show as above, except it follows around that kid's horrible parent/guardian.
Jeff Freally, owner of over 3000 dvds, sits and just sort of quietly talks about his collection. Ranging from complaints about Blockbuster not selling their used dvds in the original jewel cases, to complaints about the way blu-ray looks "too realistic", the fun never stops with this wacky character!
The Real Transformers
Cashing on the success of the "Transformers" film franchise, this series follows the adventures of machines that, according to Wikipedia, "transfers electrical energy from one circuit to another through inductively coupled conductors—the transformer's coils. A varying current in the first or primarywinding creates a varying magnetic flux in the transformer's core and thus a varying magnetic field through the secondary winding. This varying magnetic field induces a varyingelectromotive force (EMF), or "voltage", in the secondary winding. This effect is called inductive coupling." Each episode also features a sise story about the men who repair these noble robots.
Help! I’m A Serial Killer
In the vein of uplifting home makeover shows like "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" comes this show featuring psychologists Barb and Tom, who provide a "makeover" to the "homes" (brains) of people with some bad habits, namely murdering people. Sit down with a nice Chianti and some Fava beans, you won't want to miss this one!
The Idle Rich
Follow the mega-wealthy as they sit and count money, pay people to do things for them, and stare into the meaning void that has become their existence. Lifestyle porn for all of us!
Someone Watching Reality TV
Spend 22 breath-taking minutes watching hidden cameras that are watching you watch reality television! Reality TV just got real... reality real!
What barrel’s bottom are we going to scrape next? Let us know in the comments!
So I went down to Florida because I thought California was getting a little too “paradisey” for me. And if there’s one thing everyone loves about Florida it’s that it’s not trashy AT ALL. But, being down there my sister and I decided to pay a visit to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Or as we lazily called it, Harry Potter Land.
Now, we were both incredibly excited for this. And truth be told, we’ve been anticipating it for a while. See, I never read the books growing up. My kid sister (who can be found on Twitter @Andreainmyeyes) read all of them. Sister got me into the movies and I have since started reading the series. (I know, it’s a great story, I should tell it at parties. You can hear more of my lovely musings by following me @danborrelli :)
At first we couldn’t stop smiling. It was like we were being given a ticket into Wonka’s factory along with 100000 other families. 90% of whom had back tattoos. Which was the real problem here. We were expecting a magical place that would transport us to merry ol’ magic-England and instead we got Orlando. The crappy kids with negligent parents, the long lines, Harry Potter version of Glee…
But we were still excited, and decided to go exploring.
First stop was Olivanders to get a wand. Which we each did. The shop itself was great. Two kids are selected and wands “choose” them. They are each instructed on how to use the wands and CHAOS ensues. Boxes go flying and lights short-out as we find out they were mistakenly given each-other’s wand. Then off to the gift shop! Where I may or may not have purchased myself a little Sirius Black number. You know, for formal occasions. I swear I’ll wear it more than once. Then we stopped off for a drink…
Finally, we reached the main attraction. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey…
It was a disaster. We were in line for an hour before we reached a section of lockers. After placing our stuff in a locker, we spent another 45 minutes waiting in line. We were hot, sweaty, and still a little wet from a Popeye ride our 10-year-old cousin convinced us was a good idea. This was shaping up to be a horrific experience. And as we were shuffling through the halls of Hogwarts with kids throwing their Crocs at us; we started to wonder if maybe this whole place was overrated.
Then we finally got seated and the ride began. And for two minutes, I wasn’t worried about lines, or my work, or dating, or back tattoos, or what’s going to happen on Breaking Bad. Because for those two, glorious, glorious minutes. I was flying with Harry Potter, battling Dementors, and running away from a dragon. And I realized that all of the things I love about the stories, all of the things that one woman created for millions that I still had my own personal connection with, all of that imagining; came back to me.
It’s incredible how one person can create a world that makes millions of out-of-place kids feel accepted. And as we were leaving through the gift shop with over-priced tchotchkes and loud Croc-chucking children, it didn’t matter anymore. Because for two minutes we achieved the impossible, the same thing we tried to achieve in every page and every scene of the stories; escape. Because for those two minutes, we were at f*cking Hogwarts, bitch!
Have you been? What did you think? Let me know by tweeting at me @DanBorrelli or in the comments below
Every year, Miriam Webster's adds new words to the dictionary, and it feels like recently, word snobs have taken offense to some of their choices. For instance, you used to be able to be able to shame your stupider family members who used "ain't" by pointing out that it was not, in fact, a word. But since Miriam-Webster's added it to the dictionary, the only thing you have to feel superior to those family members is your acceptance of gay marriage and understanding of computers. And today we heard about even more words that are sure to raise the ire of us linguaphiles. Let's take a look at, and mock, some of them:
F-bomb n : the word f*ck — used metaphorically as a euphemism
So basically, the coward's way of saying "f*ck". Although, here at Smosh, we have to put a star in place of the "u" in "f*ck" anyhow, so I guess this new word gives us a few different ways of being cowards.
Like how sometimes you can run away from a bear and sometimes if you cry he'll let you go.
man cave n : a room or space (as in a basement) designed according to the taste of the man of the house to be used as his personal area for hobbies and leisure activities.
I feel like the term "man cave" is still only used by immature husbands in their first year of marriage. I'm not sure it's a thing yet. When they add a man cave to the White House, we'll talk. And you can bet that if Mitt Romney wins the Presidency this fall the Presidential man cave is the first item on his agenda.
Geocaching n : a game in which players are given the geographical coordinates of a cache of items which they search for with a GPS device.
So now games are getting defined. Great. Next year I'll be on the lookout for
Red Dead Redemption n : a game that Jesus Christ seems like it should be cool but is just so goddamn boring to pick up and play. I mean, the first, like, eight missions are about cattle rustling. Jesus f*ck.
Toxic adj : relating to or being an asset that has lost so much value that it cannot be sold on the market.
And Britney Spears' dream of coining a dictionary-worthy word remains unfulfilled. Much like the rest of her dreams.
underwater n : having, relating to, or being a mortgage loan for which more is owed than the property securing the loan is worth.
More like "n : already a thing."
gastropub n : a pub, bar, or tavern that also offers meals of high quality.
Mm, a word exemplifying the mix of high and low class trend that's emerging in food service, much like "McDonald's frappe".
Energy drink n : a usually carbonated beverage that typically contains caffeine and other ingredients (as taurine and ginseng) intended to increase the drinker’s energy
See, this isn't really a word. It's not a new noun in and of itself, but a pre-existing noun that includes a pre-exiting adjective. So it isn't fair that we're going to accept the favorite drink of UFC fans and fatsos into the dictionary and not accept my favorite drink, red Kool-Aide mixed with mashed bananas and Almond Joy coffee creamer.
It's actually not that good.
Life coach n : an advisor who helps people make decisions, set and reach goals, or deal with problems.
I'm shocked this term made it in and its sister term, "big crybaby douchebag who can't accomplish anything on his own", didn't.
Bucket list n : a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying.
Is that what we're doing now? Defining titles of Morgan Freeman movies? I'll allow this one, Miriam-Webster, if you promise that next year you include "Bruce Almighty" in your list, which is a thing my girlfriend let's me do on my birthday.
Sorry Morgan Freeman.
Copernicium n : a short-lived artificially produced radioactive element that has 112 protons.
Awesome! This is absolutely a new word! It's not a combination of two pre-existing words that combine to make a new, metaphorical meaning, it's a thing that never existed before but now exists. Hopefully Miriam-Webster will keep that criteria in mind as we move forward.
Brain cramp n : an instance of temporary mental confusion resulting in an error or lapse of judgment.
Go f-bomb yourself Miriam-Webster.
Which word is the greatest affront to the English language? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Foreign Words That Are Fun To Say!
There are lots of things in The Hunger Games I would never want to see IRL. Namely a televised game where an oppressive government plucks children from their homes and forces them to fight. I mean I get upset by some of the fights on Jersey Shore, so I’m pretty sure I have a low-threshold for violence as entertainment. But there are a few things from the books that would be pretty rad IRL. Here’s a look at 5.
Not that I condone spying, but how great would it be to have a bird that could totally record conversations verbatim? Just think of all the info you could gather, info that you could use to gain power and influence over your enemies and friends alike. Whoa. I guess that sounds kind of Capitol of me and being Capitol-y is all kinds of wrong. Apparently even the idea of power can corrupt! Can we can just use them for making Mockingjays? That would be pretty cool too! Let’s just hope they don’t torture us with ‘Call me Maybe’ covers.
Anything that has hover in the name is a must have for me. I don’t know why. It just sounds cool. How awesome would it be to pick up your friends in one of these? Just use that force field thingy to suck them right up. Totally better than a limo when it comes to prom transportation! And I’m pretty sure finding parking will never be an issue again.
Silver Parachute Gifts
I think we all could use a magical silver parachute carrying a much-needed item to us every once in awhile. Like right now I would love it if someone sent me a root beer float. With Haagen Dazs vanilla, please. It’s really hot right now, I haven’t eaten anything and it just seems like it would hit the spot. I know it’s not as noble as asking for life-saving medicine, but I guess I just have to face the fact that I’m a selfish and spoiled modern-day woman, who thinks only of herself. Prim’s lucky I wasn’t her sister!
Gaming Control Center
Okay, I’m pretty sure no one in their right mind would want to have the Hunger Games be a real thing, but how friggin’ amazing is the game’s control center!?! If a home version of this became available for purchase, parents across the land would be stampeding the local big box stores to get their hands on one come the holidays. It would be like the Hunger Games of shopping, only with adults running into the store like it was the cornucopia. Yikes. May the odds be ever in your favor, I guess.
Um, hello? Who wouldn’t want a dress that makes that kind of a statement? Best ‘first day of school’ outfit ever! Come to think of it can I just have Cinna as my own personal stylist? I know he’s not technically technology but he’s kind of magical, no? Plus he makes Rachel Zoe look like she’s a stylist for Walmart!
The thing about driving is, everything that happens is the worst thing ever. Whether it's misplaced directions, toll roads, or other idiot drivers, nothing good has ever come from driving. So clearly, you can see how it would get some people to yell out a good hearty "FML".
"Left turn here. I guess"
Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML
Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML
There's enough pity to go around
Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML
That which we most avoid...
Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML
Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML
Anything else I can do for you today, sir?
Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML
Weasley is our king
Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML
For more, check out FMyLife.com!
Oh, remember summers as a child? You'd get together with your dad, maybe some friends, and make a water bottle rocket. Then you would bond with your old man as you launched it up in the air as you both would laugh and laugh as you fired them off over, say, a lake? Is that what you do with bottle rockets? Shoot them out over a lake? I don't know what you actually do with bottle rockets. I didn't have a dad.
This looks really really really really really really really fun.
But the days of creating a fun, harmless water bottle rocket are finally over! Japanese company Maruda has created the RPG-7 PET Bottle Launcher, which is far more powerful than the average water bottle launcher and twice as deadly. Well, I don't know if it's exactly twice as deadly. But you have to imagine it's more deadly.
It looks like the rocket launchers insurgents use in CNN B-roll.
Here's a video of it in action, firing a water bottle over 115 feet—
The best part is it can hurt people!
I'm forced to question the motivations of the Maruda company in making this. What kind of mind thinks of taking an enjoyable sumemrtime activity like shooting water bottles and designs it to look exactly like the straight-up scariest weapon ever invented?
Only the most mentally balanced amongst us are into rocket launchers.
I think the scariest part about this device is that this assumes you're shooting bottles filled with water. What would happen if you were to use a more volitile liquid?
We must outlaw Mountain Dew in Japan immediately.
Are you gonna save up enough yen to get an RPG-7? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Japanese Wendy's to Serve LOBSTER Burgers?
So if there was a movie franchise from your childhood that you were absolutely clamoring for more of, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be the Scooby Doo one, AMIRITE? Even if it was animated. But what if I were to tell you it was an animated movie the brings together Scooby Doo and all of your WWE favorites? Yeah....I think not too. Well, maybe if I was home, sick and it was the absolutely ONLY thing on. But I'm pretty sure, under all circumstances, I'd rather take a clothesline to the throat than watch this sure-to-be stinker.
But Hollywood NEVER listens to me, so they're going full steam ahead with the project. So what's the plot you might be wondering? According to Indie Wire Blog it is such: When Shaggy and Scooby win tickets to WrestleMania, the entire gang travels in the Mystery Machine to WWE City to attend the epic event. However, when a mysterious ghostly bear appears and threatens to ruin the show, Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred work with WWE Superstars to solve the case. Yeah still not convinced. Even if we do get to see the girls and Fred running around in hot wrestling costumes.
Many WWE fans are OUTRAGED and see this as the end of the WWE they once loved. Gone are the days of Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. Gone is the adult-geared 'Attitude Era'. The WWE is most certainly going down the family-friendly path. Gag. Which is too bad, because I might've been down for a WWE/South Park Mashup.
The following WWE talent is rumored to be on board: Triple H, John Cena, Kane, The Miz, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, Sin Cara, AJ and WWE CEO Vince McMahon. The creators and any person over the age of 15 who would go see this schlock are rumored to be on board the illegal substance express.
What do you think? would you go see this flick? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Hollywood loves comic book movies. The only thing that Hollywood loves more than comic book movies is rebooting franchises. They already have a built in audience so they seem like a safe choice for executives worried about their jobs. They seem to remake all kinds of things that get rebooted for no reason. Here are 7 comic book movies that should be rebooted:
I don't really even care about seeing a Fantastic Four movie. I just want Galactus. Give me Galactus! And I don't want some space cloud or the idea that Galactus is in all of us. I want a purple helmet, I want a giant spaceship, and I want him to devour planets. Unfortunately, it seems that the only way to get Galactus would be through another Fantastic Four movie. Make it happen!
Christopher Nolan has said that he doesn't intend to make another Batman movie. This leaves a huge hole in the heart of fanboys everywhere that think Nolan finally got the character right. Instead of getting some lesser director to keep the franchise going, they should reboot the series. There is a wealth of untouched Batman stories spanning 70 years to pull from. I don't care what they make, just don't let the stories die.
The Green Lantern should have been the next Batman. Instead, it was given to a director who had previously only made action films. It also doesn't help that the writer is an executive producer of Fred: The Show. They just simply weren't the team to deliver on the potential of a Green Lantern movie. Give us a real sci-fi director and a real writer and give the franchise what it deserves.
Spawn or Ghostrider
Spawn and Ghostrider are bad@$$. Plain and simple. Spawn is one of the coolest and most beloved independent superheroes on the market. Ghostrider is a skull demon that rides a motorcycle. Dark and violent comic book movies have become the norm in our modern age. These reboots should go for hard R's and keep the love stories to a minimum. You are superheroes from hell! ACT LIKE IT! (And keep Nicolas Cage far away!)
Steampunk is really cool and there still hasn't been a really major movie to capture exactly what steampunk is all about. Hand this franchise over to someone like Guillermo del Toro, Darren Aronofsky, or David Lynch. It will go down in history as a masterpeice of steampunk cinema.
Howard The Duck
Howard The Duck is hilarious. It's been 26 years since the last Howard The Duck movie. Now that Disney owns the rights to Marvel's catalog it seems like the perfect time bring Howard back for a new adventure. They'll be able to go back to his original look which is a lot closer to Donald Duck without the fear of Disney litigation. The direction they should go is a parody of the gritty “realistic” approach that a lot of the more successful movies use.
Daredevil might hold the title for the worst comic book movie ever made. From beginning to end, it really has no redeeming qualities. It's so bad that it's not even to fun to watch as a drinking game. They could put a Daredevil mask on a chimpanzee for two hours and follow it with a camera. That would be a better movie.
Why comic book movies do you think need a reboot? Let me know @zachlunch or tell us in the comments!