“Call Me Maybe” has proven itself to be the song we love to love. We’ve spent all summer belting along in cars, concerts, and clubs, and we’re still not sick of it. (Maybe the YouTube response videos, but the song itself is timeless.) But have you ever stopped to examine why we like the song so much? …It’s our fantasy version of what we can do about having a crush. As long as the plot cuts off after those pristine three minutes, we don’t have to think about the inevitable rejection or awkwardness from pulling a “call me maybe.” Here’s how the situation would most likely play out in real life.
The Guy Does Call, It’s Awkward
It was really stupid of her to tell him to call. Nobody actually calls anyone anymore, unless it’s to report that an immediate family member has died. The girl was probably freaked out that the guy was using voice instead of text, so she only gave him one word responses. And then he didn’t feel like asking her out, so they just kinda chatted and ended the conversation with no plan for the future. Upon hanging up, the girl turned to her roommate, exasperated, and declared she was going back on OKCupid.
The Guy Doesn’t Call, The Girl Questions Verbiage
In her tenth analysis of the interaction, the girl realizes that in saying “maybe,” she might have led the guy to believe she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted this to happen. I mean, it’s possible the guy is insecure, and she was basically telling him there was a chance that he’d call, and she’d decide to reject him. What was she thinking? Maybe she should call him. Does he want her to call him?
The Guy Doesn’t Call, Girl’s Proposition Goes Viral
Either she handed him a “Call Me Maybe” business card, or his buddy was standing there with an iPhone. Somehow, there was a record of this interaction, and this girl became the next big internet joke. Maybe now she’ll learn to never ever let her guard down again.
The Girl Facebook-Stalks The Guy, Is Disillusioned
The girl went home to figure out the guy’s last name via a mutual friend, and she was delighted to find that he hadn’t updated his privacy settings in a long time. Ten minutes later, she was over him. He’s got more selfies up there than she does!
The Girl Gets Committed To A Mental Institution
It’s one thing to be self-aware that something you’re doing is crazy. It’s quite another to know what you’re doing is “crazy” and then repeat the same action over and over again. The guy told the girl’s parents that he was concerned, and she’s finally going to get the help she needs. Our hearts go out to her.
The Guy Becomes The Girl’s Male Prostitute
The economy’s really bad, you guys. And I’m just saying, if she has pennies and dimes for a kiss, you know there’s more where that came from. Looks like this is the beginning of a mutually beneficial commodities exchange.
Can you think of other ways in which “call me maybe” sitches might play out? Write them in the comments!