We’ve pretty much all had Facebook for a long time. Hell, the movie about the creation of Facebook is over two years old at this point. So doesn’t that mean we should all be better at posting things? You know what I mean; half of the things that pop up in your feed just make you roll your eyes and say “WHY AM I STILL USING THIS TERRIBLE WEBSITE.” First of all, ease up on the shouting, bud. Second, I know exactly what you mean. I have gone and done a thorough cataloguing of these kinds of posts, and so I present to you the 7 Worst Kinds Of Posts People Are Still Making On Facebook:
Things That Are Brazenly Untrue
Here’s a helpful tip: If the skin tone of a person’s face does not match the skin tone of their body in the photo you just posted of them, IT IS NOT OF THEM! Also, if something “the news media refuses to report” just so happens to match exactly what you’ve always suspected about a politician/celebrity you’ve always hated, then IT IS PROBABLY NOT TRUE. Life is not here to back-up every crazy thing you believe. It’s called snopes.com, give it a look sometime.
”Doing Laundry!” “Gone Grocery Shopping…” “Eating(?)!” Oh man, cool story guys. Hey, you know how all this stuff is way too dull for you to ever tell about in an actual face to face conversation? That probably means it’s not worth publishing for anyone on the internet to read. Some of the details of your life are so boring I can literally see my computer screen glaze over out of boredom (and by “literally” I mean “figuratively”.)
Fifty Things, One After Another
Hey partner, save some of that “gold” for later in the day! And by “later in the day”, I mean more than five seconds apart, because my Facebook thread is starting to resemble your own personal version of 4chan (you sick creep).
Incredibly Vague Posts
Listen, I refuse to fall for this. You’re doing that thing where you post something that is both incredibly dramatic, and incredibly lacking in details, in the hopes that you’ll get plenty of attention from people going “What’s wrong?” “Do you mean me?” “Who r u talking about?” This kind of behavior is, to put it bluntly, gross. If you want to talk about the drama of your life (which, to be honest, would probably then get you filed under “Banality”) just do it.
“Tasteful” Pregnancy Nudes
Listen, just because your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is covering your naked breasts with her arms while you both gaze down at her protruding belly, doesn’t mean that it’s tasteful. It’s not tasteful; it’s tacky to share something that is clearly supposed to be a very personal, intimate thing. If you want everyone to be a part of your pregnancy, you know what you should do? Post the video of you giving birth. Man, THAT would be informative!
You know how I don’t follow you on Twitter? Well, it’s pretty brilliant of you to circumvent that process by linking your Twitter to your Facebook account. Also, you tweet too much (please see “Fifty Things, One After Another”).
Oh, look at that. Facebook went and took my ironic “praise” of some company and their horrible product and repurposed it as a glowing endorsement that they will now make ad revenue off of! Great, because being constantly advertised to wasn’t irritating enough, I always hoped that I would one day BECOME the advertisement.
Which types of posts make you block people on Facebook? Let us know in the comments!