Nobody feels good about tuning into reality programming, but the shows listed below would make Mike TV kill himself. I couldn’t make these up if I tried (which is why it’s good I’m not an alternative television programming exec). Some new 2013 reality shows that I will not be DVR’ing anytime soon include:
Ghost Mine - Syfy
Supposedly, “Ghost Mine,” combines ghosts and mining. So many dangers, so little sleep for me to be able to get after watching. Also, miners arguably have the worst working conditions of any job ever. Don’t they have enough to deal with without a camera crew following them around trying to get them to talk smack about how their coworkers are transparent, cold, and paranormal?
Immortalized - AMC
Immortalized is a show about taxidermy, aka when they stuff dead animals to make them look like they’re still alive. I can’t recall a time I’ve ever consciously sought out such an image. It’s a sad day when YouTube gets the live, cute pets, and cable is relegated to still pieces of freak-art.
The Job - CBS
People competing for jobs is only amusing to people who already have jobs. The rest of us just get PTSD. Real cute, network executives who ordered this.
What Would Ryan Lochte Do? - E!
What? Why? Can’t we just look at a picture of him shirtless?
American Idol - FOX
They’re trying to make us think there’s something new about this schmaltz machine, so fine, it gets a slot on the list of new reality shows I will not be watching. Mariah v. Nicki? Why do we indulge bad behavior? We’re just making the rich get richer and the poor get rich temporarily.
What other reality shows will you not be watching? Let us know in the comments!