When it comes to presents, whoever said “It’s the thought that counts” was a moron. Driving down to the local Bath and Body Works and buying a butt-ton of $3 loofahs for every single female in your family takes absolutely no thought at all – that’s why everyone does it. Receiving a thoughtless gift doesn’t always have to be a bummer, though. With a little ingenuity and gumption, you can transform that piece of crap you got for Christmas into a hunk of gold!
Save That Sweater
Wondering what to do with that lame Cosby sweater your grandma gave you? Turn it into a doily and re-gift it to her next Christmas. She's so senile, she probably won't even be able to discern its shameful origin!
Prank You Later, Skater
Step One: Put fake dookie stains in the ill-fitting underwear you got from your parents. Step Two: Throw said underwear in the locker of that dude from P.E. class you hate. Step Three: Wait for the LOLz to roll in.
Turn that Forever Lazy you got into your very own fortress of solitude. Because, well...who needs love and companionship when you have a fleece-covered butt-flap?
Y’know those 800 travel sized body lotions you got in your stocking? Start a contest with your siblings to see which among you can fit the most of ‘em in your mouths. The winner gets the hyper-coveted “Cinnamon Cherry Blast” lotion; the loser has to drink the “Spiced Pear Explosion” one.
Gonna Chow Down on Friday
Take that $25 T.G.I. Friday's gift card you got for T.G.I. Friday's and LIVE, DAMMIT, LIVE! Might I suggest the NEW BBQ Chicken Flatbread? It's crispy flatbread topped with tender pulled chicken breast in a chipotle barbecue sauce and baked with Monterey Jack cheese, cheddar, cilantro and hand-cut red peppers and red onion…and all for under 750 calories! It’s a Christmas miracle!
Use that ugly scarf your aunt bought you as a cat toy...and look at the way Mr. Whiskers jumps at it! Tee hee! Mr. Whiskers, you so crazy! SWEET BONUS: After Mr. Whiskers tuckers himself out playing, you can wrap the scarf around him and take amusing pictures to post on the internet. CUUUTE!!
Step One: Eat every single piece of the stale, ancient, off-brand chocolate you got from your grandma in quick succession. Step Two: Get incredibly ill and throw up. Step Three: Tell your grandmother, "You did this." Step Four: Take the super old $50 bill she gives you as an apology and spend it on more, better, candy.
Give Back, You Animal
Hate your gifts? Give them to someone less fortunate who might appreciate them. J/K! Just shove 'em in your closet and never think of 'em again!
What’s the lamest present you got this year? Let me know in the comments!