Congratulations, you’ve graduated from high school! If you’re anything like me, it is the biggest relief of your entire life, and you will continue to have nightmares about being back at school well into your twenties (they’re still going strong over here!) Odds are good, however, that you have felt the societal pressure to continue your schooling and go to college. And that’s great! Broaden your horizons, and so forth (I’m assuming broaden your horizons” means “go wildly into debt”). But college isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And I, gentle reader, am here to prepare you for some of the let downs of THE NEXT PHASE OF YOUR LIFE. These are The Most Overrated Aspects Of College:
The Social Aspect
You may think that college is a great place to broaden your horizons, and that’s partly true. You’ll probably be exposed to some cultures you’d never met before, due to your having probably lived in a heavily segregated area your whole life. But on a larger level, almost everyone at college is around your age, and also looking to broaden their horizons. The issue? None of you have much in the way of unique life experiences. It’s like a group of people who can’t speak Spanish getting together to try to teach each other how to speak Spanish. You’re going to end up speaking some bad Spanish.
A lot of people think college was where they were first exposed to good music. False! Maybe you will be lucky enough to meet one person who had cool enough parents that they didn’t grow up exclusively on top 40 garbage, but odds are good you’re going to hear the same garbage people listened to in high school, with some bad Dave Matthews and Ben Harper thrown in to the mix.
Remember how active you had to be if you wanted to skip class in High School? You needed alibis, forged letters from the Governor, a grappling hook, it was serious business. Here’s how easy it is to not go to class in College. “I am not going to class today.” No one cares, until your horrible attendance leads to you failing your class. And unless you’ve been raised to self-motivate, it is HARD to train to yourself to do things because they’re best for you. In the words of those ants in The Simpsons episode “Homer the Astronaut”, “Freedom, horrible horrible freedom!”
Living Away From Home
Sure, it’s annoying having a curfew, and having your parents waiting for you to come home, but living away from home is SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE. You’re probably think “Yeah, no duh it’s more expensive not living at home. First of all, “no duh”? What is this, the nineties? Second, no, you don’t get how much more expensive. And that will lead to you blowing A LOT of money that you should be more careful with. And the other problem with not living at home is your parents will be so worried about you (multiply this by ten if you are either the oldest or the only child) they will check up on you NON-STOP. Lots of weepy phone calls await you, my friend.
Living In A Dorm
You probably imagine your new roommate will be your next best friend. GUESS AGAIN! They will be randomly assigned to you by an administrator who was probably fantasizing about the awesome game of solitaire they had to pause to assign you a roommate, and then your new roommate will either be 1) WAY too type-A and agro about everything, 2) mope around depressed in-between sessions where they drink all your beer.
I am aware that no one ever talks about how awesome the food in college is. I am also aware that they still do not give it enough credit for just how horrible it is.
Everyone has one now, and odds are good yours isn’t even particularly useful. And English major? YOU ALREADY SPOKE ENGLISH #EPICFAIL
How else are all of us doomed, aside from a lucky few? Let us know in the comments!