”The Lord of the Rings” movies are some of the most beloved fantasy adventure films of all time. But with the new prequel “The Hobbit,” director Peter Jackson had a great opportunity to conquer yet another movie genre. Here’s just a sneak peek at what might have been if the characters had put down the swords and picked up a gun…or microphone…or a bouquet of roses.
Romantic Comedy
Tagline:“Before they got the ring they had to get each other.”
Plot: Bilbo is seeking a new start. Gollum is mourning a lost love. When they meet the sparks fly…but so do the accusations. Will this unexpected journey to true romance find its happening ending or with these two be led astray by fear…and all those damn goblin tunnels?
Buddy Cop Film
Tagline:“Meet the long—and short—arm of the law.”
Plot: One’s an old-timer who plays by the rules and is just three days away from retirement. The other’s a brash new recruit who just plays, smokes pipe-weed, and won’t even wear shoes to the precinct. But if these two quarreling cops can’t find a middle ground then Sauron will find it all too easy to take over Middle Earth.
Documentary
Tagline:“From the filmmakers who brought you ‘Who Really Funded the Rebel Alliance?’ comes a frightening look at the reality of fantasy.”
Plot: Culled from hundreds of hours of interviews with dwarves, orcs, hobbits, talking trees, and a floating, angry eye, this documentary explores the rise and fall of Sméagol, a simple Stoorish Hobbit who became obsessed with jewelry, started referring to himself in the plural, lost both his hair and clothes…and then really went insane.
Musical
Tagline:“They told him to think small…until he got his big break.”
Plot: Bilbo Baggins always longed for adventure but was growing short on hope. But when a band of merry dwarves come to his town and bring music into his home, Bilbo finally finds his voice…and his true calling.
Sci-Fi
Tagline:“Run, Puny Humans! Run!”
Plot: Based on a true story from an episode of “Ancient Aliens,” the movies shows how outer space helped destroy Middle Earth…and plant the genetic seeds that would result in the rise of Man.
Slasher Film
Tagline:“Only when he became invisible did people see him for the monster he really is.”
Plot: Bilbo was powerless to get anyone to notice him. But when he slips on the ring and slips out of sight, this lonely hobbit is bloody well determined to show that big payback can come in very small packages.
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