Now that Hostess is going out of business the law of supply and demand has hit, and hit hard. Twinkies, which may not exist after Hostess shuts down, are going on sale on Ebay at staggering prices.
Did you know that Twinkies are made by pouring milk and sugar into Justin Bieber's mouth, shaking his head, and then opening his mouth to extract the finished product?
Yes, the searingly political Huffington Post is shouting across the country a dire warning that Twinkie-pocalypse is afoot. Buyers desperate to procure a Twinkie from the last batch that may ever exist are racing to Ebay to pay anywhere from $89.95 to $21,000,000 for a box of Twinkies.
I've worked very hard most of my adult life not to eat Twinkies. Considering they are basically made out of depleted uranium and gun powder, I don't see any reason why I should try to force my body to process them. I'm also unnerved by the box, which features a Twinkie in a cowboy hat raising his hand to spank another Twinkie that he is forcing to subjugate itself to his ghastly pleasures.
Clearly the Twinkie he is riding is bitten in half, and therefore has been dead for some time. Making the unrelenting joy on his face as he rides it that much more shocking.
Things on Ebay that you can buy for less than the $21,000,000 Twinkies include an aircraft carrier, the city of Bridgeville, California, or an entire year of getting to sleep in Keanu Reeve's bathtub.
THE RUMORS ARE TRUE
How are you going to go on living without Twinkies in the world? Let us know in the comments below!
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