There’s no avoiding it – in order to sustain life, you’ve gotta eat food. For some people, though, food is more than a necessity – it’s basically their reason for living. These wackos will drive across county lines just to eat a sandwich. They’ll hoard discontinued sodas in their basement. They’ll yammer on about “limited time only” milkshakes on message boards. In short, they probably love every damn thing on this list.
McDonald’s McRib sandwich, a (possibly pork) patty slathered in high fructose corn syrup-laden “BBQ” sauce and covered in onions, is only available at Mickey D’s "for a limited time!" every three years or so. Whenever the Golden Arches brings it back out, people (that is, if you can call fans of the McRib people) inevitably lose their damn minds. The sandwich is for a limited time. But the obesity? Baby, that's forever.
Ah, In-n-Out. Have you ever been in one that wasn’t packed? Morning, noon, and night, no matter when you hit the popular West Coast burger chain up, there's always a big-ass line. People talk about In-n-Out like it's better than steak – sorry to burst your bubble, dude, but it's just a hamburger. And those Animal-style fries people go ape over are just regular fries covered in Thousand Island dressing. Barf.
The Doritos Locos Taco
The Doritos Locos taco was, in a very literal sense, concocted in a lab to be the ultimate cult fast food. The loco mofos down at Taco Bell HQ made a horrifically delicious Frankenstein’s monster out of nondescript meat and a Doritos-infused shell; an entire generation of degenerates celebrated by joyfully getting orange dust all over their fingers.
Now, don’t let its disgusting appearance dissuade you from sipping its majesty. McDonald’s St. Patrick’s Day tradition might look like ooze, but it tastes like heaven. Why this isn’t on the menu year round is a mystery – I’m glad it isn’t, though, because otherwise I’d probably have diabetes by now.
Chick-fil-A found themselves in a bit of hot water recently, what with their whole "gay people aren't people" thing. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it.) Chances are, though, that they won't lose TOO much money as a result of the whole ordeal – after all, people still need their chicken biscuits (the restaurant claims to be the home of the “original” chicken biscuit, and people can’t get enough of ‘em). Also, they totally have God on their side – all Chick-fil-A’s are closed on Sundays, which the divine creator really appreciates.
KFC Double Down
When the Double Down came out, people acted like KFC had started selling the American public pure, undiluted cancer. Lots of folks thought the mere presence of a sandwich that uses fried chicken as a bun signified the coming of end times. But then they tried it. And, well, it was pretty good. The sandwich, which was supposed to only be available for a limited time, stayed on the menu.
OK, so here’s how to get your grubby little hands on a Mc10:35, a.k.a. the hottest cult sandwich of last year: Go to your local McDonald's right when they're switching the menu over from breakfast to lunch. Buy an Egg McMuffin and a McDouble. Take a deep breath. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble. The non-officially sanctioned sandwich is called a Mc10:35 'cause that's the only time you can pull it off. Personally, however, I don’t understand how people can eat ham AND two hamburger patties that early in the morning and not hurl.
What’s your favorite diabetes-inducing delicacy? Let us know in the comments!