The devastation Hurricane Sandy has wrought thus far has been tremendous. Houses along the seaboard have been throttled. Cars float through Manhattan. The human toll has been very real. Thank God Lindsay Lohan and the cast of Jersey Shore exist to lend their tweets to our collective narrative. Calming us with their empathy, and intelligence.
The world's #1 news network MTV Thankfully collected many of the tweets from the subhumans they've given us to denigrate at the Jersey Shore. Bearing in mind the extraordinary, life changing destruction Snooki gave us this tweet. "Waiting for the storm! Slumber party with my boys." It was shortly thereafter, as if in direct response to Snooki's tweet, as if God had finally had enough of us actually giving someone like her fame, that Hurricane Sandy touched down on the Jersey Shore, demolishing it and leaving nothing in it's wake. Vinny, ever defiant, stood tall with this tweet in response. "#Sandy stop blowing the Jersey Shore you dirty b*tch."
God's wrath has come to the Jersey Shore. Who's next? If you live next to Honey Boo Boo, you should evacuate immediately.
Lindsay Lohan showed as much or more complete dissociation from what was actually happening in the real world with her tweet “WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i’m calling it Sally)..? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace.” Why is she calling it Sally? No one knows. We we do know is that while she was writing this tweet she was almost surely nude from the waste down, holding a beer can she had refilled with store brand Tequila, and urinating in the parking lot of a KFC.
Lindsay Lohan, pictured here getting ready to make a powerful enough burp that it sends Hurricane Sandy back out into the ocean for good.
Probably my favorite Hurricane Sandy tweet so far though came from Bette Midler, otherwise known by your generation as, "Who is Bette Midler?" whose tweet makes absolutely no sense but is awesome: "Batten down the hatches!! I'm baking macaroons for the duration. Hope it's over before Hulaween!!!! Eeeeeeekkkk!!" I don't know what that means. And I never will. Well done Miss Midler, well done.
This is what celebrities were allowed to look like if they got famous before 1985.
What would you tweet about Hurricane Sandy if you were a celebrity? Let us know in the comments below!
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