We can't all think of clever, original banter whenever we run into someone at a cocktail party or an indictment. So most people tend to use idioms they've heard others use at some point in their lives. But have you ever really thoguht about some of these common expressions? Turns out, a lot of them are complete nonsense.
They've got skeletons in their closet
Um, dead bodies stink, okay? So if you had bodies in your closet long enough for them to turn into skeletons, your roommates, neighbors, significant other, etc. already know about them. Uness you're taking already decomposed skeletons into your closet, in which case, you don't understand how commiting crime works.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
Sure you can! Just invite him to your frat house initiation and call him a p*ssy. DELTA PI! DELTA PI!
I once was blind but now I see
Um, that is not how blindness works. My uncle was blind and he never started to see, he just died by falling into an empty swimming pool.
You're the apple of my eye
I get it, it's a metaphor, but the thing is, people don't even likeapples anymore. If we change it to "You're the Game of Thrones of my eye" we can talk.
Straight from the horse's mouth
What, are horses some sort of truth beacon? No! Horses are a bunch of damn liars! Remember, a horse will say or do anything to get an apple. If this phrase were to make sense, it would only be applicable if someone didn't beleive your scheme to get apples would work.
Hand over fist
This phrase generally refers to making a ton of money at a time, but what does it mean? Are you taking money with one hand and stiuffing it into your other fist? Because at that point, why don't you just close the hand that's holding the money and turn it into a fist? And why are you carrying money around in your fists in the first place? How about you put it in the bank and earn interest like a grown-up?
Beggars can't be choosers
Not only can beggars be choosers, they must be choosers, especially when I offer them one of two sandwiches: One containing mustard and one containing poison. Hey, don't judge me for playing games with the homeless' lives! We all have our quirks!
Needless to say
If it was needless to say, you wouldn't say it. This phrase that cancels itself out. It's like if you celebrating your first successful full week on a diet by dipping an Almond Joy in a milkshake.
The grass is always greener on the other side
No. While the grass is often greener on the other side, but sometimes the grass is greener on your side. Like when you get a PlayStation 3 for Christmas and your cousin gets a new desk chair and an egg timer to make sure he practices his saxophone for a full thirty minutes every day.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
A bird isn't worth any more or less than any other bird, no matter it's relation to bushes, ever since the Federal Reserve devalued the bird currency during the Carter administration. Oh, you didn't know that before 1974 the United States used birds as currency? You must not have been paying attention or taking drugs in history class like I was.
What phrases do you straight-up not understand? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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