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Teen Shoots Himself In Groin, Claims Ninjas Did It

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It was a pretty awesome story. A teenage boy driving with some chicks told police he was shot in the groin by two ninjas who jumped out of a van wielding semi-automatic weapons.


military shooing zombie
Ninjas pretty much live to shoot people in the groin. It is their ultimate attack.
(source)

The Chicago Tribune reported today that this is all a cruel hoax. Police became suspicious of the boy's story when quote, "Every single part of it sounded like a bunch of bull****." Then they went to check out the scene and there was no evidence of ninja foul play at all. Then the hospital confirmed that the gunshot wound trajectory indicated that the boy had clearly shot himself in the groin. It was looking less and less like ninjas with machine guns were involved here.

ninja versus gun
And more and more like this son of a bitch was to blame.
(source)

What then, was the real story here? Well, it turns out the kid had been driving around with two chicks and showing off his gun when, like an a**hole, he shot himself in the dick.


dick shot
Hey sexy lady, can I buy you a drink? You ever been with a guy who shot himself right square in the dick?
(source)

The police are busy figuring out what to charge the kid with, although if you ask me, shooting yourself in the dick with your own gun in front of two chicks you are trying to impress is punishment enough. Also, the fact that he was awesome enough to make up a story about ninjas with machine guns to cover it up earns him bonus points so I would go ahead and categorize this one as time served.


hot destroy pockets
The next time he shoots himself in the groin, he plans to make up a story about how furries descended from the sky, bit off his dick, then used it to make a crown for their king.
(source)

Why do you like shooting at your penis so much? Let us know in the comments below!

 


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