I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you all can go about your day after Love died. They said the world would end in 2012 and it did. Not with a whimper, but with a banging of someone you’re not supposed to. If these couples couldn’t make it, then you are all doomed to a life of cats and secretly smelling people’s hair in the elevators at the mall…I may be projecting a little. Here are 5 celebrity reasons why love is dead:
5. Heidi Klum and Seal will no longer rule Halloween.
Nobody does Halloween like that Teutonic temptress of reality television known as Heidi Klum. And now we will no longer be treated to her and (former?) singer Seal’s epic couple’s costumes. Now we know that renewing ones vows every year does not kill the divorce demons. I hear a diet rich in garlic still works pretty well though.
4. Katie Holmes is now free from Tom Cruise
Does a five-year contract with a renewal clause worth millions mean nothing anymore? At least she got the most adorable party favor ever out of Tom Cruise’s crazy party. But it was like that part in the horror film where you really were hoping the chainsaw wielding mad man would get to keep his nubile virgin after all.
3. Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon killed the sweet, sweet music.
It’s been almost a year and I’m still not over it. So much so I’m throwing caution to the wind and throwing them on this list in the vain attempt to make one of you out there google and then listen to Sonic Youth for the next two decades. Get to be fans. Then relive the heartache that was hearing that they broke up. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
2. George Clooney and What’s-Her-Face and Stuff.
Wait for it.
1. Kirsten Stewart and Robert Patinson can now finally share their sparkle parts as freely as they always have been since forever because their relationship was a sham created for the marketing of Twilight and the only scandal is that the director’s children had to be a part of it and one day we will all read about it in an exploitive book on the subject of this early century “phenomenon” and feel had
At least we still have Kim and Kanye. I love those krazy kids.
Which former couple broke you up the most? Let us know in the comments!