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What The Crying Girl At The Party Is Crying About


A few hours into the party, she appears on the couch as if by magic – mascara streaked down her cheeks, her entourage trying to subdue her quiet heaves. You’re not sure when or how it began, only that there is, once more, a crying girl at the party. Why? You ask. Why does the Crying Girl cry? Don’t ask her; you’ll only be told to “GO AWAY” from her protective bff. It’s best to hear it from us. Here’s what she’s crying about:


Someone Who’s Not There…Because He’s Not There

crying girl not there


She just doesn’t get it. Why would he say he was thinking about coming and then not show up? Why would he even bother to get her hopes up, if he really had no intention of driving across town after dinner with his parents? She just wants him to be honest with her. She really can’t take him playing with her emotions like this.


People Not Caring That She’s Crying

crying girl no friends


She feels like she now knows who her true friends are, and they’re not at this party. And even those people who have approached her are really just doing it so she’ll stop ruining everyone else’s good time. She bets that if she stopped texting people for a week, no one would ask her for plans. Maybe she’ll do that as a test...


Someone Else Likes The Guy That She Likes

crying girl claims guy


Seriously, Amy knew she liked Kevin. But Amy doesn’t really care about her feelings, and Amy has now told a bunch of people that Amy has a crush on Kevin, so Kevin has been claimed for the foreseeable future. Crying Girl has to give up or look like a huge bitch. This always happens to Crying Girl.


Existential Angst

crying girl why try


She did not get cast in the school’s production of Waiting For Godot, and she’s wondering what the point is, anyway. We’re all going to die eventually; these activities and parties are just a distraction from the meaninglessness of it all. She wants to go home, where she’s not beholden to any fleeting relationships.


Because She Ate Three Slices Of Pizza

crying girl three pizza


She really intended to stop after two. Now she is full, sick to her stomach, bloated, and angry with herself for being so weak. She does this mindless overeating when she gets nervous around new people, and now these new people think she’s a pig. How will she ever lose the 10 lbs if she can’t even resist crappy thin-crust?


Someone Died

crying girl shakespeare died


Unlikely, but I’m saying it’s possible. Look - it doesn’t even have to be someone she knew very well. Just someone she heard about, and she wanted an excuse to cry/be associated with drama. It’s valid.

Why else do you think the Crying Girl is crying? Let us know in the comments!


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