In 2005, Marshall Junior High went into lockdown when a call was made about a suspicious object, possibly a weapon. It turned out to be a burrito. It sounds silly, going into high-security mode over a meat-filled tortilla, but with the benefit of hindsight, we can see that Marshall Junior High was actually ahead of the curve. Yes, mexican food has been used as a weapon in enough crimes that it's time we as a society took a long hard look at the danger it causes.
On the docket once Congress wraps up the gun control debate.
Don't believe me? Consider this incident from 2009, when Zachary Moir's mom mom demanded he stop playing X-Box and come down for dinner. How did Moir respond? He threw that dinner right in her face. The main course? Tacos. And to think, the media says video games negatively influence children.
Master Chief knows tacos are for eating.
Or what about the couple who argued so fervently over who got the most taco meat that the police were called? The man shoved a plate of tacos into her face, burning her eyes and causing her to call 911 and get her eyes flushed with water.
As though the poor woman was in a 9th grade chemistry class.
And then we have this Minnesota man, An Adams, who threw a burrito at a woman and was charged with the grossest of gross misdemeanors.
Although, when you live your life looking this much like the twin brother of Wolverine who got all the defective genes, I suppose ONLY throwing a burrito at a woman is a victory.
And just last month, Erik Brown was charged with a misdemeanor after he hurled a Taco Bell burrito into the face of his 16-year-old brother in law. Apparently the, ahem, victim acting disrespectfully towards his mother, which Brown witnessed, prompting him to ask the boy's mother to "bring him the burrito". The police also noted that the victim had “burrito cheese, sauce and meat all over his clothing and face.” And I just love that police officers had to make the conscious decision to note that in an official police report.
"You REALLY think this is relevant to the case, Jim?"
And finally, we have a woman who threw her burrito supreme at a cop outside of, where else, Taco Bell. Could this be why mexican food is being used so often as a weapon? Does the unstable nature of mexican food, and thus it's likelihood to burst upon impact, make it a weapon with splash damage?
PICTURED: The coward's grenade.
What kind of Mexican food will you be using to commit your next armed assault? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out 6 Foods I Could Eat All Day Every Day Forever!