Before the internet, the only way for people to get famous was by starring in a family sitcom or by helping people die, or by losing a ton of weight eating Subway. Of course, that was before the internet, where you can get famous almost instantly, and often for the dumbest things. But you're tired of waiting around, slugging it out for Facebook Likes with the rest of LinkedIn, here are the quickest ways to get internet famous.
Post whatever you find on Reddit
You can put anything you want on Reddit, and as long as it's boobs or a picture of a cat, it'll get to the front page of the entire internet! And then, you'll have so much karma you won't know what to do with it! No really, you won't know what to do with it. It's not like you can pay for your soup with little orange arrows. They don't take that sh*t at Panera Bread.
Regularly update your blog
So long as you maintain a schedule for updating your blog, it will eventually make you internet famous. And the topic doesn't even matter — you could have a blog about the cutest baby farm animals to blend together in your new juicer and you'll still get sponsored by SquareSpace.
Reblog everything on Tumblr
The dirty secret of Tumblr is that it's never had any original content — it's featured the exact same Boy Meets World photoset and GIFs about eating pizza being reblogged over and over again since its launch. All you have to do is reblog anything you see and eventually you'll have enough followers to start an army! They'd be the world's worst army, though, since they'd respond to every order with an "I DON'T EVEN" or "DONE".
Tweet your best thoughts
If you're really super interesting, you can write tweets that'll get fav'd and retweeted all around the entire internet! Although, it's kind of a catch 22 — if you were funny and interesting to begin with you wouldn't be so concerned with being internet famous. So instead of trying to write tweets all day you could maybe go out and find someone to fill the giant, gaping void in your life?
Be a meme
ANYONE can make themselves into a meme if they just add white, outlined text above and below their face. Can you imagine if it were that easy to get famous in the 60s? Marilyn Monroe could have just downloaded the Impact font instead of sleeping with President Kennedy.
Create a podcast
So long as you have a clever idea and keep it under an hour, your podcast will eventually make you internet famous. And the topic doesn't even matter — you could have a podcast about the benefits of choosing Satan to be your your lord and master and you'll still get sponsored by Audible.
How have you gotten internet famous? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!