Nicktoons always make me laugh. When I'm having a bad day, I can always put one on to brighten my day. But maybe instead of laughing at them, we should be trying to get them some help. These cartoons have some serious mental illnesses. If we don't get them some help soon, then they may be too far gone by the time we get around to doing anything. No one wants to watch a cartoon about someone who spends 20 hours a day locked in a padded room. Here are mental diagnoses of Nicktoons.
Doug Funnie - Chronic Hallucinatory Psychosis
Some kids have an active imagination. Doug goes way beyond that. He has full blown hallucinations. Other signs of this disorder are feelings of melancholia and paranoia. Doug definitely has both of those. He's especially paranoid that Roger Klotz is out to get him. He's blown Roger up in to such a villain that most of hallucinations involve an extremely exaggerated version of Roger that Doug has to defeat in order to save the day.
What will happen without treatment?
For now, Doug is still able to tell the difference between his hallucinations and the real world. Suffering from this condition in the long run can eventually lead to delusions of persecution and blurred lines between reality and the hallucinations. That's bad news for Roger since Doug's fantasies all have Roger as the antagonist. The last thing Roger my ever see is Doug standing over him with the underwear on the outside of his pants.
Zim - Grandiose Delusional Disorder
People with grandiose delusional disorder consider themselves to be very powerful and important. This is very often combined with some sort of science fiction element to prove why that are so powerful. So we must ask the question. Is Zim even really an alien? I think he's just some crazy dude that thinks he's a space alien sent to conquer the Earth. If he really was this great invader that he sees himself as, he would have destroyed or conquered the planet by now. Instead, his plans are always foiled for some kind of dumb reason.
What will happen without treatment?
Zim by this point is pretty far gone. He completely lives in the false reality that he has created. He has been mostly harmless up until this point, but one day he's actually going to get around to hurting someone. I just hope I'm not there when one of his plans are finally successful.
Bessie Higgenbottom - Asperger Syndrome
The two main features of Asperger syndrome are being obsessed with only one area of interest and being completely oblivious to how others treat you in social situations. Those also happen to be the two main character traits of Bessie Higgenbottom. She is completely obsessed with gaining merit badges to put on her Honeybee Scouts uniform. Pretty much everyone in The Mighty B dislikes Bessie for how incredibly annoying she is, but she has absolutely no clue despite how openly mean the other characters are to her.
What will happen without treatment?
Bessie is able to function pretty well as a child, but she's going to have a tough time as an adult. People don't really want to talk to the 35 year old that still wears their Honeybee Scouts uniform everywhere they go. It'll be nearly impossible for her to hold any sort of job since she is completely annoying to be around for even a few minutes.
Timmy Turner - Childhood Schizophrenia
There is a big difference between an imaginary friend and a kid with childhood schizophrenia. An imaginary friend is a way for a kid to entertain themselves by fantasizing about a friend that they can go on adventures with. These kids know that their imaginary friends aren't real. Schizophrenics really believe that their imaginary friends are actually real and can impact the world in a real way. Timmy frequently does horrible things to other people, but doesn't realize what he's doing because he thinks that Cosmo and Wanda are doing it.
What will happen without treatment?
Timmy is already seeing Cosmo and Wanda pretty much all the time. The fact that he keeps them a secret is a sign that somewhere in his disturbed mind he must know that there is a problem. Without treatment, Timmy will have more and more problems adjusting to society and will probably find himself living on the street because he won't be able to take care of himself. He'll be living in a dumpster, but at least in his mind, his godparents will make it seem like he lives in a mansion.
Squidward Tentacles - Avoidant Personalty Disorder
People with this disorder don't like to have personal relationships with others. They avoid physical contact and are easily angered when they aren't in control of a situation. Squidward matches this description perfectly. He hates any kind of interaction with other people and really just wants to be left alone all the time.
What will happen without treatment?
As it stands, Squidward rarely leaves his house except to go to work at the Krusty Krab. I think that eventually Squidward will become agoraphobic and be afraid to leave his house ever. One day he'll fall down the stairs and break his leg and not be able to move. Someone will find his body after a few weeks of rotting.
What other Nicktoons belong in an insane asylum? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
