In the entire history of horror movie villains, there are bound to be some that just aren't scary. Maybe the script was good, but the movie just didn't come out like the writer wanted to. It happens to the best of us. Some horror movie villains are so bad, you have to wonder what they were on to think that anyone would find them scary. Here are the least scary horror villains.
The Laundry Mangle (The Mangler)
I don't think I've ever actually seen a laundry mangle in person outside of a historical reenactment village. They're so old timey, I'm honestly not even sure what they are for. In this movie, an evil antacid brings a laundry mangle to life and it starts killing people. The previous sentence is not a joke. The saddest thing about this is that it was directed by Tobe Hooper who wrote and directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Leatherface is one of horror's scariest and most iconic horror villains. People forgot about The Mangler before they even got to the theater parking lot.
Rabbits (Night Of The Lepus)
Night Of The Lepus is about mutant rabbits who destroy a small town. Crazy, freaky mutant rabbits destroying a town actually might have been pretty cool. Unfortunately, this movie's budget didn't allow for any cool special effects. All they could afford was to film a bunch of regular rabbits hopping around a model train town. If I saw a bunch of giant, cuddly rabbits hopping towards me, I wouldn't be scared of them. I would do everything I could to try to ride one. I'd be the first person to hop all the way around the world.
The Bulldozer (Killdozer!)
To be fair, a bulldozer is the only thing on this list that is actually dangerous. At least a bulldozer could maybe actually kill someone if the circumstances were right. Bulldozers are loud, slow, and can't really get through dense terrain. If you know a killer bulldozer is on the loose and actually let it kill you then you deserve to die in my opinion.
Plants (The Happening)
The big plot twist in The Happening is that plants somehow all magically evolve the ability to release a neurotoxin that makes people kill themselves. This movie was supposed to have a message about why we should try to protect the environment. All I learned from it is that it's either humans or the plants. There isn't enough room on earth for both of us. If we all band together, then one day maybe we will finally be able to destroy the green menace.
Turkie (Thankskilling)
Turkie is the star of the horrible Thankskilling movie. Turkie is so non-threatening that even the people he is trying to kill aren't scared of him. They just act like they're annoyed. This movie desperately wants to be a so bad it's good kind of movie. This movie ended up being so bad it was unwatchable.
The Bed (Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People)
The bed in Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People is a possessed bed that eats people. The title is pretty self explanatory. Here's the thing about a bed that eats people. Beds aren't very mobile so this thing isn't going to chase after you. Just don't go in the room. You know it eats people. Stop sleeping on it. The title of this movie should be Hungry Bed: The Bed That Starved To Death.
The Slugs (Slugs)
Slugs are incredibly fragile so it's kind of hard to buy that they've somehow become viscious killing machines. All that you'd need to do kill an army of bloodthirsty slugs is to lay out a little bit of salt for them to slowly slide through. If that doesn't work, then just step on them.
Pinocchio (Pinocchio's Revenge)
I'm not going to be afraid of anything that I can defeat by stuffing it in a sturdy suitcase. My biggest beef with this movie is that this is a horror movie starring Pinocchio and not once does he tell so many lies that he impales someone with his nose. That's pretty much the only reason to have a horror movie starring Pinocchio. That'd be like if Freddy Kreuger started going around and just shooting people with a gun instead of invading their dreams.
Who do you think is the least scary horror villain? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
