Mom and Dad are fighting again. SURPRISE SURPRISE. They basically do nothing BUT fight. You'd think their love for me would bind them together, right? Like how me and my best friend are only best friends because we both really like Pokemon. And sports! But anyhow, right now my parents are fighting, and instead of listening to them and thinking about how my family is about to end, I'm going to watch a movie. A HAPPY movie. With the volume turned up real, REAL loud.
If you can get through the beginning — which is just Avengers FIGHTING FIGHTING ALL THE TIME FIGHTING — this movie is about people coming together, DESPITE their differences. Although, it's much easier for The Avengers to get along because Nick Fury is financing the whole operation, so they don't have to fight about who forgot to pay the gas bill and is a pathetic worthless MORON like YOU ARE Diane.
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
This is the Twilight movie where the vampire and the lady get married, right? That's good, I like the idea of a movie about a married couple standing together to stop the Volturi. I wish my parents could stand together to fight the Volturi. Or at the very least stand together to fight each other's alcoholism.
I really like Homeward Bound because it's only about an hour and a half long, the animal friends have a clear goal to get home, and they talk the whole way. It's the exact opposite of the car trip I took with my dad, which was sixteen hours, had no destination, and was ENTIRELY silent.
Zero Dark Thirty
Zero Dark Thirty is super happy, almost child-like movie about the spirit and resilience of our great country. Best of all, if my dad sees me watching it he might stop accusing my mom of raising a sissy! And that is what America is all about.
I like Iron Man enough to put his stand-alone movie on this list ALONG with The Avengers because Iron Man is just so awesome. He doesn't really ever fight — he just makes cool, snide comments all the time. I bet Tony Stark's wife would never yell at him.
How to Train Your Dragon
I JUST WANT THE FIGHTING TO STOP.
Batman and Robin
Now they're just sitting at the table quietly. This is almost worse. I don't know why they would stop. What if they realized it wasn't worth it? What if they've come to the conclusion that they simply don't like each other anymore? Are they tired? Maybe, but tired of what? Of each other? Of me?
I JUST WANT THE FIGHTING TO START.
What do you watch to distract yourself from the tragedy of your parents' relationship? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!