If you're like me, you have absolutely no interest in watching the Super Bowl. It's a bunch of jocks beating each other senseless for screaming masses of morons. Year after year, I find myself watching it with friends just because there is nothing else to do. It's time to break the cycle. There are tons of fun things to do during the Super Bowl. You just have to try a little bit to find them. Here are things to do instead of watching the Super Bowl.
Watch The Puppy Bowl
The Puppy Bowl might be the greatest televised event in the history of television. It's a way for people who aren't in to sports to still hang out on Super Bowl Sunday and eat everything gross that you possibly fit in your mouth. The only thing that I don't like about the Puppy Bowl is that it only happens once a year. To get in the Super Bowl, teams have to compete al year and then win the playoff tournament. How are these puppies even being selected for the Puppy Bowl? They must not be televising all of the other Puppy Games that happen. Our lives could never get worse from watching more puppies, kitties, hamsters, and this years newest addition the hedgehog cheerleaders. Oh la la!
Pretend The Apocalypse Happened
If your town is anything like my town, the streets will be totally empty. This is your chance to wander around and pretend that the apocalypse happened and you're the only person on the planet. I've always wanted an excuse to scream at a statue, "You maniacs! You blew it up!" It's fun to pretend, but make sure you don't get overzealous and start looting because this apocalypse is only going to happen until the game is over and you will go to a very real jail.
Sit In The Corner And Play Your Virtual Boy
So you tried to get out of watching the game, but you're stuck at a Super Bowl party anyway. If you think this might happen, you've got to plan ahead. Bring your virtual boy and sit in the corner and play that the entire day. You won't have to see or listen to anything that happens during the game, plus since you're at the party you can still eat all of the tasty snacks. Virtual Boys do cause headaches if you play them for too long. That's why you should bring a blindfold and earplugs to wear between play sessions. You wouldn't want to accidentally see some football.
Sew A Superhero Costume For Your Cat
You may ask me, "Wy would I sew a superhero costume for my cat?" And my answer is how do you know that your cat isn't a superhero. Maybe it was bitten by a radioactive flea and has super flea agility. The only thing stopping your cat is a lack of thumbs to create a proper superhero costume. Your cat is very considerate of you and doesn't want to go out and fight crime because they're worried what would happen to you if criminals found out their real identity. It's your duty and an upstanding citizen of planet Earth to make this cat costume so your cat can save us all.
Go See A Bunch Of Movies
The Oscar nominations came out a little while ago. How many have you seen? It's time to play catch up. Super Bowl Sunday is a great day to see movies because the theater is going to be pretty much empty. You could probably get away with watching a movie naked. Please don't do that though if for no one else than the hard working theater employee who may stumble upon you.
Invent Your Own Sport
Instead of sitting around all day, why not get out and get active. You could always invent your own sport. If you're worried that no one will want to play, go to a trophy shop and get a trophy made. It's pretty cheap and people get really competitive when a trophy is involved. What kind of sport are you going to invent? I'd like to recommend combing two sports like tandem sky diving and Rubik's Cubes. Think outside the ball!
Catch Up On Smosh
Have you seen every video Smosh has made? You've probably seen all of the main videos, but there's a lot of awesome stuff by Smosh that you haven't seen. I'm not even totally sure how many Youtube Channels we have because there are so many. You have pretty much an entire day free so why not do something good for your brain by letting us inside. A good place to start is by watching all of the Shup Up! Cartoons. My favorite is Oishi High School Battle.
What are you going to do on Superbowl Sunday? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!