Video Game Characters Not To Have In A Bar Brawl

A lot of video game characters are total bad asses. Look at your Master Chiefs, your Ares, your Bad Dudes (talk about an apt nickname!) It’s a bit of a pre-requisite, really. But some characters aren’t… well, not tough. They just don’t seem suited to the real, day-to-day fisticuffs that average Joe and Jane Lunchpails like us regularly find ourselves engaged in. I play a lot of videogames, and I think I have a pretty good idea of the 7 Video Game Characters That Would not Have Your Back In A Bar Fight:

Tails

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Sure, Tails has an infinite amount of lives (is it really infinite? What if it’s just like six hundred, and no one has the patience to get him killed that many times?) but has he ever accomplished anything useful? Once in a while he might get in a lucky hit during a boss battle, but he’s mostly window dressing.

Frogger

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He’s like nine pixels. What’s he able to do?

Cole McGrath

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I played inFamous, and I tried to play it as virtuously as possible. But the very nature of Cole’s powers means you’re going to end up taking out a few civilians. And by “a few”, I mean “All people within a twelve foot range of you whenever you engage in combat”. So how I could I possibly trust this guy not to just drop a nuclear level explosion on the bar and wipe everyone out, me included?

Link

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While you’re busy fighting off five angry oil rig workers, he’s trying to close a door by hitting a switch with a boomerang. Also, how are you supposed to fight with a fairy flying around going “HEY!”

Dan

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Dan was created to be the terrible character in Street Fighter. So why would he be any use in real life?

Pac-Man

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Sure, Pac-Man would be great in a fight IF he had access to power pills, but what if he doesn’t? Do you really want someone on your side who can’t even take care of a few ghosts on his own? Plus, you know he’d abandon you in a second to go eat some fruit.

Slippy Toad

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Let me paint the scene; You’ve got things under control. One of your assailants is unconscious after a well placed elbow to the head. You have the other with his arms pinned behind his back, using him as a shield from the blows his friend is trying to rain down on you. You feel like you have the situation under control, then you hear it: “Whoa! Help me!” And you know all is lost…

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