You probably don’t know what a toxic friend is because you’re not as smart as I am. So I’ll tell you because I care about you. A toxic friend, not to be confused with a “frenemy” because that term is awful, is a person who forces you to become the sidekick to their selfish melodrama. You tell a toxic friend about the successes in your life, they make you feel like you don’t deserve them. You make plans that they never intend on keeping (since they always find something better). And the more trash they talk about people you know the more you start to realize they probably do the same to you when you’re not around. For more examples on what I mean, why don’t you read this list about TV’s most toxic friends, because it’s not like you have anything better to do, knowing you.
Cordelia Chase, Buffy/Angel
Cordy eventually grew out of feeling like she needed to compete with her fellow man. She did this by ascending into a higher being thus making the competition moot. What did Buffy ever do? Get bangs? Die twice? Whatever.
Angelica Pickles, Rugrats
Most of the babies have to tolerate Angelica because she’s family. But Susie Carmichael is a glutton for her punishment. And it’s not just a childish competitive streak; in Grown Up the undermining continues.
Walter “Heisenberg” White, Breaking Bad
When Walt’s loyalty to Jesse is tested, time and time again, he sticks by him. But, until that time, he’s constantly calling him out on his failures or reminding him of his worthlessness. Plus, you know, Jane. Not cool yo.
Ash Ketchum, Pokémon
What kind of friend puts you in a ball so that you can fight other enslaved creatures to the death?! Pika-Stockholm Syndrome anyone?
Sandy, Daria
As president of The Fashion Club, Sandy coordinates all her outfits with her blatant loathing of the slightly cuter and more popular Quinn Morgendorfer.
Chloe, Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23
Surely a show that centered around a diabolically mean, shamelessly self-centered, unapologetically pro-sex, female character like Chloe, it was not long for this world. Chloe was a toxic friend like a fox often helping everyone around her through the power of being an agent of narcissistic chaos. RIP B, you were too weird and wonderful for this world (and ABC’s Disneyfied audience).
Damon Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries
With evil, charming, obsessive, handsome, violent, vampire friends like Damon, who needs enemies?
Nancy Botwin, Weeds
Like so many iced coffees through a straw, Nancy Botwin spent the entire run of Weeds ruining the lives of the people around her. She strung along her poor smitten brother-in-law for eight seasons (and many leaps in time) as well as undercut her own son’s chances at happiness and normalcy.
Bender Bending Rodriguez, Futurama
Let me tell you about Fry’s robot friend. Bender looks out for Bender. And when Bender isn’t looking out for Bender he’s looking out for booze and robo broads. Which I guess you could make the case is also looking out for Bender. It’s like a Bender inside a Bender. Benderception!
The Doctor, Doctor Who
Put down the torches fellow Who fans. I’m not besmirching the good Doctor’s character. But when you’re riding shotgun on the TARDIS your needs (like living) go by the wibbly wobbly wayside. Not only does the Doctor admittedly lie, he also puts people in harms way as much as saves them. Not to mention the whole, “killing your entire, admittedly sort of bonkers, race”. But don’t worry, he’s sorry, he’s so sorry so it’s more or less OK.
Any TV toxic friend sound like one in your life? Name names in the comments!
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