In my opinion, the best thing the internet has brought about is the ability to suss out the truth of urban legends. Yes yes, it's also provided a voice for citizens living under oppressive regimes and brought ways to communicate and help our fellow man from across the globe, but urban legends are really really cool. I used to have no place to search for information about secret levels in Star Fox 64 or upcoming Beanie Baby retirements. Thank GOD for the internet, or the part of my brain that craves the answer to mysteries might start going to some pretty weird lengths.
I traveled far and wide, but if you look closely, you can see the rare
1st edition of Luigi's mansion where Luigi hangs himself.
But some of the funnest urban myths are those about lost episodes of television shows. How would we ever know if there was a secret story told about some of our favorite characters that was deemed too crass, too shocking, or even better, too haunted, to be aired on television? One myth that had been floating around the internet for years was that Dexter's Laboratory had produced an episode so obscene that Cartoon Network refused to air it. But now, thanks to Adult Swim, the legend has been confirmed! "Dexter's Rude Removal", an episode where one of Dexter's experiments causes he and Dee Dee to be split into a rude version and a nice version of themselves, went up on Adult Swim's website. And it's... you know. Fine.
I haven't been this let down by an urban myth since the Bigfoot we kept spotting
around our neighborhood turned out to be the guy who drove the book mobile
trying to get kids to read more about the wilderness.
And despite the fact that this episode is pretty one-note, the fun of finding a lost episode of anything is exciting. What other urban myths about TV shows might turn out to be true? Might Fox one day release the long-rumored episode of The Simpsons where Bart dies? I mean, I get that the episode is haunted, and that everyone who sees it has ends up either insane or dead, but honestly, that makes me want to watch it all the more.
I need SOME sort of excitement since Breaking Bad is on hiatus.
You can watch the episode if you want, but maybe, you know, don't? Listen, no one wanted to find this episode more than me, but here's what I've learned: The he moment you watch it, everything you've built up in your mind — the MYSTERY of the lost episode, the sense that it was so DANGEROUS, so CORRUPTING, that something HORRIFIC must occur in it — will be lost forever. Man, have you ever even watched J.J. Abrams' Ted Talk about mystery boxes? Sometimes the magic is in NOT knowing.
Anyway, here's the episode. You do whatever you want. Watch it and make your life a little less exciting. Who am I, your grandmother? I don't have any responsibility to preserve the magic of your life. But if you do watch it, just remember this moment when you die alone in an undecorated hospital room instead of in an outer space pirate battle because your life lacks imagination.
Was "Dexter's Rude Removal" worthy of its urban legend status? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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