Dude, Japan’s so rad. Pretty much every damn thing they do rules. The CD? Yeah, it was invented in Japan. The pocket calculator? That’s Japanese, too. Sushi? Same deal – it’s from Japan. (I know, I probably just blew your mind right now.) If you think Pokémon’s the only cool thing to come out of Nippon-koku, you’ve got a lot to learn, otaku.
Merciful Manga
Anime and manga gave a lot of teenage dweebs the opportunity to meet and bond with like-minded members of the opposite sex. Before Japan bequeathed this wonderful gift to the nerd community, the best geeks looking for someone to awkwardly make out with could do was find a mate at their local Renaissance Fair. Everyone knows the wenches there, however, are crazy. And sword-wielding.
Freak in the Streets
Japanese street fashion, in all its kooky forms, makes us look like the Old Navy and Forever 21-wearing schlubs we are. I mean, Gothic Lolita or GTFO, y’know what I’m sayin’?
Fantastic Fast Food
In Japan, fast food can be purchased via conveyor belts. And it’s good, too. The next time you’re in the drive-thru at McDonald’s, imagine buying some sweet-ass sashimi for the same price as that lame-ass Big Mac you’re about to scarf down. And feel even worse about yourself.
Super Deformed = Super Cool
Tons of toys and cartoon characters in Japanese pop culture are super deformed, and therefore SUPER CUTE. With stubby little limbs and huge heads, super deformed toys look as adorable as the infants that inspire them...but are way less loud, messy and, uh, human. No matter how you slice it, they win.
Vend ‘Em if You Got ‘Em
In most metropolitan areas of Japan, you can buy anything, and I mean ANYTHING, in a vending machine. Need some eggs? Ramen noodles? Used panties? You got it, boss. You’ll never have to talk to another living soul again!
Krazy for Kitties [sic]
Japanese folks love and respect cats as much as I do, which is why I love and respect them. I mean, Maru's from there, dude. These people know their adorable kittehs, OK?
Great Game Shows
Japan’s game shows are legendarily awesome – nothing in the U.S. holds a candle to the madness that takes place over there. I mean, would you rather watch some tool guess the price of a toaster on “The Price is Right”, or would you rather watch people get knocked in the nuts, pummeled with bowling balls, assigned the task of staring at boobs, and wear meat on their heads in a tank full of Komodo dragons? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Mo’ Domo
The Land of the Rising Sun is also the land of Domo-kun, everyone's favorite exasperated, flatulent, adorable monster/television station mascot. If you don’t love Domo, you’re the real monster.
Do you throw down for the Land of the Rising Sun? Let me know in the comments!
