At a recent Justin Bieber concert-stravaganza, Justin Bieber gave his hamster, PAC, away to a screaming fan. Reports are unclear as to why Bieber gave away his beloved pet, but the suspicion is that Bieber was worried the hamster would come between him and his musical collaborators.
"I will not let you Yoko Ono me and Ludacris."
But the simple gift to an adoring fan has raised the ire of the California Hamster Association. In a statement to TMZ, the CHA called Bieber's hamster gift an act of "animal cruelty", going on to say that hamsters "often succumb quickly to illness and death" when confronted with change.
So really, this isn't Bieber's fault. It's the fault of hamsters in general, for being unable to accept change.
Why can't you deal with change, hamster? What are you, my high
Now that I've exonerated Bieber of any wrong doing vis a vis this hamster, I'd like to turn my attention to the CHA themselves. Okay, what is it about hamsters they find so fascinating? I mean, I could totally understand, like, a California Giraffe Association, because giraffes are the second best animal besides bears.
Although, I guess I don't really have any criteria for liking giraffes more than hamsters. I just think giraffes are super funny. Like, look at this one:
Giraffe you drinkin' water? You drinkin' WATER, giraffe?
Here's my real problem with the CHA: Because they're an association, it means there are multiple people involved, right? So that means multiple people decided hamsters were an important enough cause to fight for.
Now, do you know how few people in the world care that much about hamsters? And on top of that, these few, miniscule people contacted each other — came together— to form the California Hamster Association.
Can you imagine the odds of that specific series of events taking place? Astronomical! The odds are astronomical!
Somehow, the statistically insignificant number of hamster people
in our world found each other and have formed an association while
I remain incredibly, incredibly alone.
Was Bieber acting animal cruelly? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out 5 Differences Between Justin Bieber's House And My Apartment!