It should come as no surprise that Spongebob Squarepants, one of the most popular cartoon characters of all time, is also one of the most popular characters to ever be branded on cheap crap made in China. What is kind of surprising is some of the strange merchandise that dons his face. From the inappropriate to the downright bizarre, here's a look at ten of the strangest pieces of Spongebob merchandise I could find.
Tampons
Is this really the best way to appeal to young girls just starting to menstruate? Hey you know what makes tampons fun? Thinking of how absorbent your favorite cartoon character is! Get it? SPONGEbob? Yeah. We get it. And it's friggin' nasty.
Toy Grooming Kit
Am I the only one super disturbed by the term 'play razor'? Or the fact that a kids razor grooming kit contains the words "bikini' and 'bottom' on the box? I know Bikini Bottom is where Spongebob lives, but maybe, just maybe there are too many damn hormones in dairy products after all. Just sayin'!
Toe Socks
Were Spongebob socks not enough? Can we please move past the individual toe mandate infecting the footwear market right now? Plus these socks just makes Spongebob look all mutant-y and that ain't right!
Inappropriate Blow-Up Toy
Yeah, I know there's nothing inherently strange about a Spongebob blow-up toy...but dafuq is going on with the place you blow? For the love of all that is holy, I do not need to see Spongebob sporting anything wang-y!
iPod Dock
Spongebob iPod dock sounds cool. Removable Spongebob eyeball speakers sounds creepy. Although I guess eyeballs weren't the worst Spongebob balls they could've used. Ugh. Why did I go there? Oh yeah, because I have problems.
Disguise Glasses
Speaking of inappropriate Spongebob balls...yeah. No one wants this on their face trust me. It's ball-y, it's wangy and it springs? That's what I call a serious merchandise boner! Thank you. You've been great. I'll be here all week.
High-Heeled Nikes
Exactly what market are we going for here? Chicks who grew up on Bratz dolls and Nick cartoons? They probably look great with those micro mini skirts that show off your bikini bottom!
Pez Dispensers
Again, nothing wrong with Spongebob Pez dispensers...but NO ONE noticed the slight design flaw here? My OCD side is itching over the fact that Patrick and Spongebob's penis colors need to be reversed.
Underwear
These would go perfect with the Spongebob high-heeled Nikes! Why do I get the feeling that Pedobear has bought his fair share of these panties?
Thermometer
I know Spongebob lives in Bikini Bottom, but does it have to be yours? Okay I've officially exhausted my Bikini Bottom joke reservoir. List over.
Which is your fave? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
