Why do we even call December December anymore? Let’s just face facts. December =s Holidays (actually, December =’s Christmas but we don’t want to get sued). And you know what? Not everyone is going into a mall for gifts, some of us just really like Wetzels Pretzel, like, a lot. Here are 7 people who really hate the holidays. Bah-humbug indeed:
The Grinch/Scrooge
Traditionally, nobody hates the holidays, Christmas specifically, more than The Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge. Honestly, I think The Grinch was just a monster of Whoville’s own making what with the cave segregation and the lack of concern for his congenital heart defect. In the case of Scrooge he’s just an old man and old people are allowed to hate everything. When I’m old I’m going to hate on everything and steal stuff all the time because YOLO I’m almost in the grave-o.
Emergency Room Staff
People get into a lot of crazy stuff during the holidays whether they’re having a good time or not. The roads are more dangerous, people are getting wasted, mistletoe mysteriously ends up where mistletoe does not belong. And the poor Emergency Room staff is there to tend your wounds instead of their families joys. Their only joy is their stifled laughter after the third person shows up with an ornament up his personal chimney.
Sweatshop Workers
Santa’s workshop is real kids, the elves just don’t get bathroom breaks, unions, fresh air or childhoods. If only we “employed” the Ood, they love to work and nothing bad ever happens. Ugh, why isn’t the Doctor Who Christmas special on yet???
December Birthdays
Oh December babies, you poor bastards. You either get one whatever gift and one decent one or just one big gift. And forget about having a birthday party on your actual day if you’re born the 25th. That’s a hard way to live. .
Emma Watson
No, it’s totally true. Emma Watson is like a beautiful modern day Grinch. I hear she goes door-to-door kicking over people’s decorations and writing Hermione in the snow with a “yellow pen”. Bitch be crazy, crazy like a fox!
Ents
You do not want to be an Ent during the holidays. People are always trying to put tinsel on you. It’s demeaning.
Jesus
Besides being a December birthday himself, Jesus actually hates the holiday season. It’s gotten so commercial, man. And what’s with all the focus on Captain Diabetes all nogged out of his jolly st. mind? Nobody puts cookies out for Jesus and he’s always watching you too! ALWAYS. Have a good night’s sleep knowing you’ve got two all seeing and all powerful men watching you at all times during your private moments. Judging you… G’Night!
How do you feel about the holidays? Holly jolly or blue? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or Jesus and I will have a sad-off.
