You ever wonder why you don't see Christmas specials from video games the way you do with sitcoms? I mean, we never play through a Resident Evil level where Leon learns the true meaning of Christmas from a Licker who saved his allowance all year to buy him a bicycle or whatever. This is because video games, unlike sitcoms, act like grown-ups and take the holidays off. Here's what some video game characters are doing this holiday season.
Gordon Freeman
No one in Gordon Freeman's family really knows what he does for Christmas. You see, a long time ago, he showed up for the Christmas party two years in a row, but it's been so long that everyone's starting to think he's never going to come around a third time.
Banjo and Kazooie
Banjo and Kazooie tend to spend their holidays exchanging gifts with their friends, like Polar Bear Dad here or giant sphinx from giant sphinx level. They only gifts they ever ask for, however, are jiggies and musical notes, so they kind of soured the holiday mood last year when that mole who teaches them new powers gave them Fast Five on DVD.
Isaac from Dead Space
In the spirit of forgiveness and acceptance, every Christmas Eve, Isaac goes out for a drink with a bunch of the monsters with vaginas all over them. They have a great time, and promise to get along better in the new year, but then they never follow through.
The Donkey Kong family
The Donkey Kong family spends their holidays standing on each other's shoulders, acting like a Christmas tree, because they're monkeys for the love of christ and they don't get how this stuff work.
Solid Snake
Solid Snake has literally given every single member of his family the same book for Christmas for the past fourteen years — Michael Quinlan's "Thinking About Nuclear Weapons: Principles, Problems, Prospects". And I do mean every member of his family. Aunt Carol, who only reads cookbooks and People magazine — Michael Quinlan's "Thinking About Nuclear Weapons: Principles, Problems, Prospects". Little cousin Tommy, who specifically asked for a 3DS — Michael Quinlan's "Thinking About Nuclear Weapons: Principles, Problems, Prospects". Brother Liquid Snake, who literally planned a nuclear strike against the United States — Michael Quinlan's "Thinking About Nuclear Weapons: Principles, Problems, Prospects.
Princess Peach
Kwanzaa. Peach celebrates Kwanzaa.
Kratos
KRATOS BRINGS GIFTS TO ALL THOSE ON HIS NICE LIST. HE MURDERS ALL WHO ARE ON HIS NAUGHTY LIST. NO ONE IS ON HIS NICE LIST.
Besides playing an insane amount of video games, how are you spending your holidays? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out The True Meaning of Christmas (According to TV Sitcoms)!
