So I’ve been thinking about adopting a pen name, something other than @danborrelli. Mostly because of all the fan mail I get from these Smosh blogs but also something about a restraining order…and I can’t go within 10 feet of a middle school…it’s a boring story. Anyway, I got to googling and found that a surprising number of celebrities have fake names, who knew!? You did, you probably knew that already but it’s called an introduction guys. Sometimes you have to stretch the truth for entertainment value. Which is exactly why these people changed their names…
10.) JON STEWART IS REALLY JONATHAN STUART LEIBOWITZ
You know you’re incredibly Jewish when you have to make your name sound less Jewish in order to have a successful career as a stand up comedian. That’d be like if Hulk Hogan thought his name was just TOO wrestlery. Lucky for Stewart simply dropping his surname gave him a very catchy full name. It’s a good thing too; if he never changed it that Daily Show intro would take FOREVER!
9.) KATY PERRY IS REALLY KATY HUDSON
The reformed Christian pop singer was forced to change her name so as not to be confused with actress Kate Hudson. But the impact it had distancing herself from her Christian dance-pop days was large as well. Until the internet found out and ran away with it. The idea, that someone seen as such a sex symbol used to hawk the power of prayer, is entertaining to say the least. But it just goes to show that the one belief system that prevails over all is the aspiration for fame.
8.) DAVID BOWIE IS REALLY DAVIE JONES
Also to avoid confusion, the Goblin King had to change his name to not be mixed up with Monkees frontman Davy Jones. I like to think the two are the same person. I mean think about it, one is a weird, androgynous walking fashion statement. And the other is David Bowie. HEYOH!!!!
7.) ADAM WEST IS REALLY WILLIAM WEST ANDERSON
I can’t decide which is a better actor name! Will West Anderson sounds like a rookie cop who plays by his own rules. Adam West just sounds like Batman. So yeah, I guess that wins. He actually changed his name because he felt it helped fit his roles in Westerns. Speaking of serendipitous…
6.) ALBERT BROOKS IS REALLY ALBERT EINSTEIN
My first reaction to this was that his parents were the ultimate trolls. With a name like Albert Einstein how do you NOT find solace in comedy. You certainly can’t go into math. The whole thing is extra fitting since he really is the Einstein of modern comedy.
5.) MEG RYAN IS REALLY MARGARET MARY EMILY ANNE HYRA
I started googling “why did Meg Ryan change her name…” When I realized I’m an idiot. OBVIOUSLY it’s because it sounded to Jewish. But seriously, Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra? That sounds like a young adult novel about a sassy teenage girl who helps her doctor dad heal patients with a secret magic power. Welp…know what I’m writing after this article!
4.) FREDDIE MERCURY WAS REALLY FAROUK BULSARA
He’s Indian, who knew? I didn't Wikipedia did. But I didn’t. He’s also the greatest rock singer of all time – Science But there is something a little less rock star about an arena of people all chanting FAROUUUUUUK! It’s more of a star soccer player name in my opinion. Bulsara to Rooney…back to Bulsara…to Fletcher…back to Bulsara…if only there was a sports anthem to make this game more exciting…
3.) CARY GRANT WAS REALLY ARCHIBALD ALEXANDER LEACH
Can’t say I blame him for this one. His name is now synonymous with playing some of the greatest men the world has ever seen. If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that when choosing a fake name, keep it short. 1-2 syllables seems to be the move here.
2.) CIARA IS REALLY CIARA PRINCESS HARRIS
Well, I guess 3 syllables works if it’s one word (Madonna, Rihanna, Ma$e). But come on, she dropped PRINCESS from her name!? PRINCESS!!! Her name is actually princess and she doesn’t think that sounds famousy enough. No wonder her career is in the toilet. Now Princess Ciara…SHE goes triple platinum.
1.) ELTON JOHN IS REALLY REGINALD KENNETH DWIGHT
NOOO! WHY!? WHY did you change your name!? You could be SIR Reginald Kenneth Dwight and that’s the most British name of ALL TIME! I would totally rather have watched a Lion King composed by R.K. Dwight, it just sounds more distinguished. I hope he regrets the name change, the way a drunk 16-year-old would regret a yolo tattoo…
What’s your favorite celebrity alias? Let me know by screaming at me @DanBorrelli or in the comments below
