Looking for a new pet? This year forgo the usual cat, dog, bird, or Zhu Zhu and get the one type of animal that shows you have a lot of love to give and a giant backyard for them to trample and set ablaze.
Godzilla
Just like a new kitten, the younger Godzilla was prone to running around constantly, breaking everything, maybe hanging from particular large screen doors, and destroying Tokyo. But like a full-grown cat, Godzilla is now much friendlier, apt to attack when only provoked, and can defeat his own giant robotic twin between long naps that sometimes get interrupted by nuclear explosions. In short, if you’re thinking of getting a loving yet protective companion that can best be described as a forty-story tabby with a tendency to trip over power lines and scream until everyone in your zip code is permanently deaf, this is the pet for you.
Gamera
While a giant, tusked flying turtle who propels himself via combustive jet engines in his hindquarters may be tough to keep in your bedroom terrarium, Gamera has always been about saving humans. (As opposed to the more whimsical-minded Godzilla, who is a little indiscriminate about where he points his atomic breath.) So whether you seek protection from school bullies’ missile attacks via his hard shell or just someone who can use his elbow spikes to make sure you always get to the front of the line, Gamera is the perfect pet for anyone who wants a monstrous Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle that must be fed fire constantly or it will slip into a coma.
Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster
Longing for several pets but wishing to minimize walks, food costs, and the hassle of coming up with more than one name? Ghidorah is indeed the three-headed, four-legged friend for you. Well, make that two legged, since he doesn’t have any arms, meaning hugs will probably be kept to a minimum and all those little balls and Ghidorah dancers you got for him to play with will have to go back into the closet. But Ghidorah makes up for his lack of affection and playtime with two tails, both of which he can use to convey excitement or inadvertently swipe all your glassware off of countertops.
King Kong
Just like many people mistakenly believe all pit bulls are dangerous because of a few unfortunate incidents, many are afraid of accepting a King Kong into their house due to a single bad trip to Manhattan. But a Kong can be an endearing pet when raised in an environment that does not include crowds and skyscrapers but rather plenty of jungle flora and perhaps the occasional sacrifice. Plus, he has a famous eye for the ladies, which makes him the ideal companion for meeting women when inadvertently scaring the crap out of everyone at the dog park.
Sarlacc
Like a sea monkey or a pet rock with an acid-filled stomach, the Sarlacc (most famous for consuming Boba Fett way too soon in “Return of the Jedi”), requires minimal care and never needs to be walked, petted, or approached for any reason whatsoever. Instead, he just sits there like a living pit in your backyard, slowly digesting nosy neighbors and making outdoor barbecues, a catch with your dad, or any chance your family can resell the house almost impossible. But what he lacks in cuddliness, facial features, and the ability to look cute with a Santa hat for your holiday card he makes up for by ensuring you will never, ever have to do any yard work again.
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Unbelievably soft and squeezable, decked out in an adorable sailor’s outfit, and often wandering through urban landscapes with his arms outstretched as if simply asking to be hugged, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man may very well be the most adorable, appealing pet on this entire list. Unfortunately, the only reason he’s alive is because he is the physical manifestation of a Sumerian demonic entity. But with a good trainer, some “time outs” for bad behavior/catastrophic destruction, and constant reminders that no one in the family is even thinking about s’mores, you can have a pet that will love you until the day he accidentally gets roasted one summer.
What movie monster would you like to have as a pet? Let us know in the comments!
