We all know that Santa watches all of us at all times. It's totally not creepy though. He's just trying to see if you're naughty or nice. I'm willing to be pretty much every one of you should be on the naughty list. It's getting pretty close to Christmas so you better do something fast or you're going to miss out on presents. I don't know about you, but waiting to open presents on Christmas day is pretty much the only thing that keeps me going every year. Here are ways to get on Santa's Nice List.
Volunteer
There are always charities that need volunteers. You haven't helped a single person all year so you might as well do something for someone else. Pick any charity and contact them to see how you can help. It's only once a year. You won't have to do it again for a whole year. It'd be nice if you did it more than once, but you're kind of naughty. Once is enough.
Write A Holiday Song
There are a lot of super terrible holiday songs. Do you think those people wrote and recorded them because they were filled with the Christmas spirit and inspired to write a sincere and uplifting song? Of course not. They just wanted to get on Santa's Nice List. Learn how to play a few simple powers chords on guitar and write a crappy holiday song. As long as you pretend the entire time that it's sincere, Santa and everyone else will act like it's great.
Get Better Grades
You're going to get a report card right before Christmas. If you have terrible grades, there is no way you're going to get any presents from Santa. The thing that people don't realize about teachers is they can pretty much give you whatever grade you feel like. I didn't make straight A's because I was smart or a good student. I sucked up and hard. We're talking compliments, presents, favors. Get them to like you so they will feel too terrible about failing you. It's a lot easier than studying.
Make A Photobook
Photobooks are super easy to make. You can get a cheap little photobook at almost any hobby store or drugstore. Spend 20 minutes grabbing random family photos and throwing them in there. Boom! You've got a cheap present that everyone is going to think you put a lot of thought in to. Santa is a sucker for warm sentiment.
Make Grumpy Cat Happy
Millions have tried and no one has been successful. It's almost as hard as pulling the sword out of the stone. If you're lucky enough to actually be able to do it, you will not only be immediately put at the top of Santa's Nice List. You will also get your name circled which means you get to be on the Nice List for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter how many horrible things you do.
Let Someone Else Comment "First!"
I know that you sit there hitting F5 over and over again for hours just to get the chance to say "First!" on everything on the whole internet. It's a noble cause that you are persuing, but maybe let someone else have a chance for once. Letting other take turns is one of the first things that they teach you in grade school Santa definitely notices that stuff.
Donate Your Hair
Your parents have been trying to get you to cut your dumb hair cut off all year. Now you can finally do it, and do something nice at the same time. It's not like your hair won't grow back. If nothing else, it will finally give you a reason to wear in public all of those wigs that you own instead of just looking at yourself in the mirror.
Leave A Cookie Buffet
Most of these are pretty last minute. This one is more like last second. If you really are so terrible that you can't bring yourself to do anything nice, then you better leave the best cookie buffet that have ever been baked for Santa. Maybe he'll get so distracted by their awesomeness that he'll accidentally pull a few presents out of his magic bag for you. It's a long shot, but you're a terrible person.
How are you going to get on Santa's Nice List? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
