Ah, cell phones. They're our constant companions, lifelines and windows to the outside world. And they're everywhere. Hell, even poor people have them! (Gross, I know.) But that wasn't always the case. It may be hard to believe, but a time existed when people didn't stare at their iPhones every second of every day. Back then, folks couldn't just flip through Amy's vacation photos while they were visiting their grandfather at the hospital…they actually had to sit and visit with their bedridden grandfathers. I'm serious, dude. It was awful. Here's some other messed up things folks had to do pre-RAZR.
Talk...Out Loud
People used to talk to one another. Out loud. Uh, can you say "BOOOO-RIIIINNNGGG?" Actually, can you just text the word "BOOOO-RIIIINNNGGG" to me? Thanks.
Yell in Public
They'd stand on street corners and yell about the "bomb-a$$" food they ate earlier that afternoon, praying that people would listen and "like" their cries for attention.
Stare Into the Void
For hours on end, people would forlornly stare at walls and wait for the sweet release of death.
Sobbing in Shakes
In the rockin' 50's, guys and gals would hop on down to the malt shop...and just sob uncontrollably.
Literal Angry Birds
Before "Angry Birds," fun-loving gamers got their jollies by literally throwing irate birds at unstable structures (shacks, abandoned warehouses, etc.). PETA was the most vocal opponent of this form of entertainment.
Swipe On, Swipe Off
Young people would compulsively swipe their fingers over and over on glass tabletops, pretending that they could see their friends beneath the glass.
Courting Cancer
Everyone drank, smoked and ate copious amounts of spiced meats because it sped up the process of dying. Even movie stars felt as though cancer was the only way out of the hell that was a phone-less existence.
Payphone Problems
Before people had phones in their pockets, they had phones on corners. Which they used to make calls. Disgusting, right? God only knew where those phones had been...
What else did the poor souls who lacked text messaging capabilities do with their meaningless existences? Let me know in the comments, or tell me @Bornferal!
