So with all the commotion about a new series of Star Wars movies the internet has promised us four more years of pissed off introverts complaining about their childhood being ruined. First off, if we survived the Karate Kid remake we can survive anything, so rest easy. Second, to be honest, new Star Wars movies produced by Disney sound kind of awesome. And I, @danborrelli, your humble narrator, welcome our new overlords. With that being said, there are a few things I think would add a lot to these new films.
9.A NEW, ORIGINAL, REAL, VILLAIN
Vader was the best and Darth Maul was cool but we need something more current. In the 70s, a shadowy dictator leading a mindless army was a scary thing for most people. But now our world is different, and evil comes in all new shapes and sizes. We need a villain who reflects that. Somebody who is cerebral and hides behind a curtain. Or someone preaching revolution to motivate the uneducated to fight for his cause. Like Bane…or Justin Bieber.
8. WEDGE ANTILLES
What a great character to leave in the series. Obviously it will be hard to keep the main characters around in the next three films because of how recognizable they are. But Wedge is the perfect balance of familiar and unexplored. I could totally see him as the wise, old, uncle-type figure to the next generation of rebel soldiers. Especially if the story turns out to be a resemblance of the Rebel Alliance that has since fallen apart. It would now need to reform to fight off a new threat. Plus Wedge is re-castable. I’m thinking Matt Damon…
7. Jar Jar Binks
Hear me out, hear me out! If there’s an elephant in the room the best thing to do is point that bitch out. We don’t need a whole other racist underwater city subplot. But, we can at least mention the guy in passing. Star Wars is a lot like the Bible, we might not like everything in there, but that doesn’t mean we get to take stuff out. We have to acknowledge that at times the writers had flaws. And Jar Jar Binks is the Leviticus of Star Wars.
6. THE MILLENNIUM FALCON
To me the biggest suspension of disbelief comes with expecting an audience to accept that every animal and alien in this universe has a unique, made-up name, and doesn’t exist in the real world. Yet somehow the one exception is that Falcons exist. Fine. We still need this bad boy. It’s mascot for awesome and it needs to make an appearance.
5. NO NAME ACTORS
Before Mad Men you didn’t know the difference between John Hamm and Christina Hendrix. And before Star Wars Harrison Ford was a carpenter who appeared for a minute in American Graffiti. These sequels will sell themselves, guaranteed. So why not take the opportunity to really dig around and find some unknowns who can really act. Don’t just stick Amanda Seyfried in there cause she’s cute; really find the right fit. Because your not just casting a movie here. You’re casting a movie, video games, action figures, nostalgia…pretty much everything short of a religious figure.
There’s gonna come a point in the series where our hero is going to need help and will have to turn to a powerful yet reluctant race to help save the day. Tolken used talking trees, I think Michael Arndt can do one better. Wookies. What a great way to bring Chewbacca back. We finally get to see where he comes from and what is left of his people. It will be a nice way to include some prequel-like elements to a series taking place in the future.
3. NOT CARRIE FISHER
Just…the photo. Just look at the photo. That is what has become of Princess Lea. And Princess Lea wasn’t the one who decided to spend the 80s putting as many drugs in her system as possible; that was Ms. Fisher. Our beloved characters shouldn’t be punished for the mistakes of our Hollywood socialites. Just kill her off. How much better would an aged Harrison Ford/Han Solo be as a widower? You couldn’t not fall in love with him.
2. CLASSIC LUCAS/CAMPBELL INFLUENCES
So back in the day George Lucas was friends with a guy named Joseph Campbell who wrote a book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces. It was this book that lead to structure of Star Wars. It uses what’s called the “Monomyth” to tell a story, which Campbell took from Greek mythology. While this formula has been used in countless other films, nobody really played with it as well as Lucas did back in the 70s. I think we all really hope that the next set of films can be a new take on this traditional story. Anyway, if you find this interesting there is plenty more out there in the google-verse. Take a look.
Holy Colt 45, Batman! How badass would it be if this nerf herder became the new Obi Wan? I mean think about it. He’s got the experience, integrity, knowledge of the past. Lando would be the perfect character to connect the two time periods. Think about how much you geeked out when you saw Leonard Nimoy walk up to Chris Pine in the last Star Trek. It’ll be that x 10,000 with Lando! Plus, I don’t know about you guys, but I miss me some Billy Dee!
What do you want to see in the new Star Wars films? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli