Cell phones are a billion dollar industry – after all, everyone and their mother can’t go five minutes without having to play Words With Friends or drunkenly text their ex-boyfriend. Which is why apps are so huge – without apps, there’d be nothing to do on your phone except...choke...talk to other people. Due to the popularity and money making capabilities of apps, companies of varying levels of quality are scrambling to come up with the next Angry Birds or Battery Stats Plus (my personal favorite, FYI)...the apps on this list, however, aren’t worth your time or skrilla.
Where's My Phone?
This app lets you know where your phone is while you're using it, the default message being, "Your phone is in your hand." According to the app, your phone’s always in your hand. They’re working on an upgrade that will be able to tell when your phone’s on a table; it’s gonna take another 7 months to get that off the ground, though. If you simply must have this app, it’s in your best interest to wait for that.
First: The App
First: The App automatically posts "first" in the comment section of every website on the internet as soon as new content has been posted. While this may seem like a tempting, possibly useful, expenditure of dough, I’m pretty sure it’s not worth it. Why, you ask? 'Cause there is isn't a stupider or more worthless waste of time than posting "first" in the comment section of every website on the internet. That’s why, troll.
As its name would imply, What’s Up? does nothing but ask you "What's up?" It then listens to your response and, regardless of what you tell it, replies, "Cool." It’s similar to IPhone’s Siri, but can only say "what's up?" and "cool," which means there’s no way you can get it to help you with your homework (that is, unless your homework focuses solely on what’s up). If you’re homeschooled, your homework may very well be on the implications of what’s up – for the rest of us, though, this app’s useless.
Its tagline is, “Because you never know...that dude might really be a Nigerian prince.” Basically, all this app does is give your phone a virus. But it is cheap – only $3.98!
What Time is It?
This $4.99 app does one thing, and one thing only: it tells you what time it is. It was manufactured primarily for people so technologically incompetent, they don’t know their phone also functions as a timekeeping piece. As a result, it’s really big amongst the elderly demographic.
How Much Money Did I Spend on this App?
How Much Money Did I Spend on this App?, a.k.a. HMMDISOTA, tells you how much money you spent on it – $9.95, to be exact. If you desire more detailed information, you can sync it with your bank statement – for an additional $9.95 per month, you can watch the app slowly bleed your checking account dry.
Is This Thing On?
This app informs you that yes, your phone is on, 'cause you're using it. It’s from the makers of What Time is It? Like What Time is It?, it’s very popular amongst the elderly demographic – the most popular platform for it is Jitterbug.
MySpace Premium is exactly the same as the preexisting, unpopular, free MySpace app, but it lets you add NINE top friends to your profile. If you’re an Insane Clown Posse fan, it may appeal to you (ICP fans, after all, are the only demographic left on MySpace); if you aren’t a member of the Juggalo nation, however, don’t waste your time.
What’s the stupidest app you’ve ever shelled out cold, hard cash for? Let me know in the comments!